Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Ugh

     As of now I have to make a decision. I have to make a decision on whether to apply for the internship program where I would be a first year teacher this fall, or continue you my education and just participate in student teaching, which is a 3 month commitment, graduate, and be on with my life.
      With the internship I could be an actually teacher, with my own class, my own rules, and my own students. I would get full health benefits, a year of teaching under my belt, and the experience of really knowing or not if teaching is for me.
     Student teaching would be me staying in my regular routine, finish my senior of college, teach for three months, while continuing to work at probably Emergency Essentials, graduate, and move on with life.
I don't know what to do.
     When I think about doing the internship I get pitting feeling in my stomach but then when I think about not doing it, I get the same feeling as if I'm letting myself down, or letting my future family down. I really don't know what I want, or what God wants me to do. I think that I have made a decision to do the internship, but I still haven't received an answer as to whether that is the correct decision for me or not and it's driving me nuts!
I constantly have these questions running through my head:
Can I really do this?
Would I be able to be a teacher?
Would I be able to think up all those lesson plans?
What makes teaching seem so hard?
So difficult?
What if I fail
What if I don't do my best?
What if teaching isn't what God meant when he told me to pursue education?
Why does receiving revelation have to be so difficult sometimes ? 
Why can't I just be told what to do?

I know I wouldn't follow it ...I'm a hard head. That's why he doesn't tell me up front. 
UGH! I'm so frustrated.
I don't know what to do.
   

2 comments:

TamaraJean said...

Brianna,
You are making the right choice. You were given the self revelation in Nauvoo to teach young children. You will be a good teacher and the kids will benefit from your love for them and of teaching. He trusts you and knows that you will make the right decisions. Sometimes He lets you fly. I know that it is hard, totally, but He knows you can do it. Love you honey

Unknown said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one with these questions running through my mind! I also had the same approach when it came to the internship, a battle as to whether or not to do it. I'm glad that we get to be in the cohort for a little bit longer. Wahoo!