Tuesday, October 28, 2014

There are people in the world that have it so much harder than I do.
I certainly am not as grateful as I should be when it comes to the blessing I have been given.
There are no real physical ailments that my family has to deal with.
My husband is healthy, my baby is healthy, and I am healthy.

I forget how much I have been given and how much time I waste wishing for my life to be different.
Why am I not content in the life I have been given, where there is so much good in it? Why am I constantly wishing for the next best thing, or the shoulda, coulda, woulda?
I have so much, I have been given so much.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014


Education is one thing, teaching is another.
I have been taught how to be a teacher but teaching itself is a whole other story.
I have been at the teaching gig for almost a month now and let me tell you: it is hard, it is draining, and it is time consuming.

Why is it hard? There are consistent changing lesson plans that need to be made a week in advance. There are children with varying levels of ability that you must differentiate for. There are children with behavior issues that parent contact must come in and necessary changes be made, for the betterment of the child. There are parents, administration, peers, and IA's to impress. There are evaluations to be ready for that determine your salary increase---or decrease. There are days that you are so exhausted that you come home with what feels like an ulcer in your side and sleep from the afternoon to early morning. There are days that you dread going back because you don't feel quite as prepared as you think you should be. There are times that you cry at your desk because you have never felt so alone in your life and wonder if any other career would be this hard.

Why is it draining? Spending 8 hours with 25 4-5 year olds---think about it.

Why is it time consuming? You are constantly worried about your lesson plans---are they good enough? do they push the envelope? do they help these kids think deeper thoughts or are they garbage to them? Can they see that I am still finding my way through this? You are constantly thinking about the kids that PUSH you and strike your nerve just because of how they are. They are little, they are learning. The amount of patience that goes into this job is amazing, as well as undeniable.

Truthfully, It's hard. 

Monday, January 20, 2014

My Mantra

My wonderful husband said this quote to me during a breakdown I had before starting my student teaching two weeks ago.
I was afraid, I was doubtful, and I was unsure about my ability to do well in this 11 week long experience.
He told me to just focus on the now. What did I need to do now in this moment of my life.
Taking each day at a time, each hour as it passes, and each lesson as I teach it, has calmed my nerves to the point where I am still afraid and intimidated as I drive to school, but I am happy and feel confident by the end of the day.

Keeping up with life

Time and time again I have started post after post trying to write down what is going on in my life.
I used to be good at this blogging thing, writing at least a post a week.
The posts were fun, engaging, and all-in-all about me.
I want to change that. I want to write about the things that make me, me. But also keeping in mind that certain things need to be kept with in the recesses of my heart, only for me to enjoy and those I shared it with.
There are things that should be left unwritten. 

I've also realized that I've become incredibly distant from social media.
Once spending hours (addiction material) drooling over others lives and their problems, happiness, and successes...pining over "recipes you must try", "The wardrobe you need to be you" and "the crafts that you want to do but never will have time for" on Pinterest. Spending time and more time on facebook, scrolling through statuses, photos, and "Wish I could there" posts.

Then I went to Florida for a week:
I rarely touched my phone during that glorious time with family.
All I wanted was to be around my dad, brother, husband, step-mom, and grandparents. I didn't want to stay inside and watch TV, 
I wanted to experience life and the people around me. 
It was breathtaking how much more I remember when I don't have my phone glued to my hand, or constantly beeping in my pocket.
Don't get me wrong, I want to stay in contact with people. But then again, there is a time and place for it. If we don't give our lives the chance to be changed by those around us and live for the "best picture" 'or "the most likes on facebook" we are losing the real meaning of what life gives us---these unmistakable moments that are captured in the eye of the beholder. The view that only your eyes can take in, the smells that come back to you in an instant, and the touch that only you can feel.

Again, don't get me wrong. Pictures are worth taking, they help us document our lives. But if it gets in the way of a moment that needs to be only shared between you and that one person, let it happen, let it go, and just enjoy them.