Odd feeling

I'm in an odd stage of life. I feel disconnected from two groups of my life which I have grown so fond of but now purposely or un-purposely I have been booted from both.

One Group is that of the single life, the other marriage-dom. I'm in the middle, in limbo, swimming in the equivalent of the spirit world after someone dies.

I feel odd, I feel weird.

My fiance' is in "A Christmas Carol" at the Hale Center theater where he has had rehearsal every night for the past month...so the only times I see him are late at night when I'm barely coherent.

Myself is not doing too hot, I keep making these dang-nab-it same mistakes that leave me hating myself and forgetting all the Joy that I should be feeling at this time in my life. The sad thing is that these emotions of hatred towards myself, I bring upon myself. I practically fling it across the room which leaves me wondering, "What the heck just happened?" "Why am I feeling like THIS again?" "Again! Really Brianna, my gosh would you just grow and be ...grown up?"

I feel down on myself, and keep rolling down into muddy piles or egg stricken shirts that keep having to be thrown in the washer...my conscious keeps reminding me that even your best shirt can only be washed so many times before it starts fraying at the edges and falling apart...leaving holes in the shirt from mistakes and lost hours of self pity and grief.

Wedding Plans

I don't even know where to start...

Do you think about the reception place,
the ring ceremony after the temple,
the dancing,
the food,
the bridesmaid dresses,
the tuxes for the men,
getting everyone from everywhere to Utah in April,
making that money,
not going into debt,
buying a dress,
picking a hairstyle,
buying shoes,
designing a cake,
learn a song to sing,
honeymoon details,
money, money, money,
marriage license,
reception activities,
wedding flowers,
wedding song,
wedding food,
lunch-in,
taking engagement photos,
invitations 200+,
picking wedding colors,
and amongst other things making it 5 months without losing my mind,
Thinking of things I Need
Thinking of things I want but don't need
Thinking of things that would be nice to have but probably won't
Keeping everybody happy
and restraining myself from taking the drive-thru marriage in Vegas...

but really what matters is that if at the end of the day I am married to Matt Call than everything went perfect, whether or not the dress looked right, the food was tacky, the cake was a disaster, and anything else that could happen. As long as he is there with me and has a ring on his finger and I can drive away with him and start our new life, everything will be fine....

Regardless of the sappy little interlude, I still have to plan.
Boy o Boy do I have to Plan

Is it Kosher to be this happy?

Is it possible to be THIS in love with someone?

Is it possible to not be able to get anything done because all you think about is that person?
It is fair that only the girl gets a constant reminder of the bond the two people now share?
Is it possibly that I can make it for 5 months without being married to this man?
Is it possible not to feel like shouting from the rooftops that I'm engaged at every moment of every day?
Is it ok that I feel completely selfish for the moment and all I want to talk about is him and the proposal?
Is it fine and dandy that 5 months is almost half a year too long?
Is it fine that I am putting myself through this "agony" (dramatic moment) because I didn't want to get married during the school year, stupid much.
Is it possible that I found someone that I will be head over heels in love with, cherish, enjoy my company with, learn from, grow from and can't enough of for the the remainder of my life?
Love is great. Engagement is great. It comes when it is supposed to and I'm glad it came now in my life.

Engaged? why yes!!!

I'm engaged!!!!! To Matthew Anson Call and I couldn't be happier!!! :)

Here's the Story in my words:

I got out of my Intro to Elementary Education class early and texted Matt that he could meet me at my house anytime. He was there before I got home and once I did we headed inside to chill for a bit before heading to the dance. We were talking, kissing, and saying “I love you” on the couch for about 20 mins before I finally decided that we should go to the dance. At one point I was holding his hands and they were super sweaty for some reason and then he got a call from his work friend Nick and scurried off really fast to talk to him.

As we were driving to the dance Matt was showing me this gorgeous Christmas song that I played at least 4 times before we got there. Hand in hand we walked in and gave them our tickets. We walked into the gym and saw a miniature golf place and a huge blow up obstacle course and we decided to try it out. I beat him both times and he said I cheated because I ended up jumping instead of sliding down at the end, oops. But no one told what I was supposed to do.

After we were done Matt grabbed his jacket and we headed to the dance floor to start doing some dancing. We danced hard and soon saw Cameron Smiley and Cami Johnson (who work together) and we danced with them for a bit. During one of the songs Matt started saying that his music had gotten onto I-tunes and that people had been purchasing them around this area. I was slightly taken back that he hadn’t told me but was ecstatic all the same, especially seeing as when the song that was playing ending suddenly his song, “come here” which was written about me started playing.

I freaked out, I was saying things like, “oh my gosh it’s your song” “How did they get it” “people are buying it!!!” “This is so cool’ We partied it up with me putting him in turns and he doing the same. Half way through the song though he turns to me and says, “I’m going to go get a drink..” I was sad but he walked away and I continued to dance with Cameron and Cami. Then, I hear his voice over the PA system saying, “ Sorry everyone I just need to take a moment, I have written this song for a girl and would like to invite her up to the front because I have something to ask of her…”

I start walking up towards him and knew what was coming then and there. He said, “ Brianna, I have loved the time we have had to spend with each other and the time we have gotten to know each other, I know now that I want to spend the rest of this life and the rest of eternity with you as my wife, Brianna Jean Pettit, will you Marry Me?” I waited for a moment and couldn’t think of anything else to say besides, “Yes” at the top of my lungs and then grab him around the neck and kiss him good while the crowd cheered, hooted, and a hollered. The DJ then put on a slow song and we and the rest of the 250 or so people started dancing. All I saw in the moment was him and I until Alli and a few girls from choir came and lifted me in a huge hug and saying how excited they were for me.

Matt and I decided that we would leave then and go show people the ring and such.

Thanksfulness Continuation 2

I am thankful for being able to observe in a classroom for my hours where the teacher lets me participate with the class.

I am thankful for being given the opportunity to read, "Horton Hatches the Egg" and be reminded that no matter the struggle we face that as long as there is persistence, trust in our own abilities (and with the help of the Lord's) we can accomplish anything, even if it is receiving a baby elephant bird.

I am thankful for sweet little 8 year old's that don't have preconceived notions about me or about their classmates, they are there to learn and to grow. I am thankful for those small little compliments I receive from Jazlyn about what I wear every week, even if I look horrid and she only compliments me on my necklace. I am thankful for Alicia who made my day by shouting that I was awesome as I walked out to go to "big kid" school. I am thankful for Mrs. Cannon giving me opportunities in that classroom every week that will not go to waste but prepare me, in advance for the future when I have my own 2nd grade classroom. :)

I am thankful for the students who were performing a psychology assessment and handing out free milk and cookies for just spending a moment of my time letting them take a portrait picture of me. Milk and cookies on a cold day, awesome.

I am thankful that my math teacher made a big deal out of 11/11/11 11:11:11 (even seconds) and stopped class for that moment so we all could make a wish.

I am thankful that I was able to in those 60 seconds, make 4 distinct wishes, that are now written down that I believe will come true.

I am thankful I get another round of wishing at 11/11/11 11:11 pm !

I am thankful that lots of people will think I'm crazy for doing this and that the other half of people will be doing it right along with me. It's ok to be child-like in moments like this.

I am thankful for a surprise letter on facebook from a friend that I had thought I had lost contact with, that I had thought i'd lost her as a friend. I am grateful to God, to her, for trusting me with everything she has gone through. I am thankful, and always will be, that she is my friend.

I am thankful for a date dance tonight so that I can boogie hard, and sleep awesome tonight with dreams of zombies and other things :)

Thankfulness days starting now...

I wanted to jump on the bandwagon of being thankful, seriously thankful for the remainder of time before Thanksgiving. So, today (and it's only 3:30pm in the afternoon) I have had numerous reasons to be thankful for, some being:

I am the most thankful for Matthew Call and the sincere love that he has for me, his patience, his bounce back rate, and just loving me for me. He is the mortar to my broken life pot pieces and he makes me whole. I don't have any idea where, who, or what I would be doing with my life without him.

I am thankful for my ASL teacher who may be a little over the top at times but her jokes started the brightening of my day and I wish I could express that verbally because signing wouldn't give it justice.

I am thankful for my math homework today, I was stuck on a hard problem for 12 minutes, (yes I counted) and once I had finished I realized that the problem had a part B, same stuff, different numbers. I was on the verge of tears but then instead of taking 12 minutes it took a measly 30 seconds. Tender little mercy.

I am thankful for the international students who were passing out BRIGHT PINK cotton candy while I was walking to math class. I am also grateful for the guy who walked out of my classroom from the previous class and only smiled when I took a huge bite of my cotton candy while exclaming with a "chomp" like sound out loud.
I am thankful for the middle aged woman in my math class that I have the opportunity to sit by and she saying that I was a math wiz, boosted my ego for a slight second :)

I am thankful for my dear cousin Shelby for singing, "His Hands" in LDC today and bringing the spirit to my soul. She reminded me, through the help of the song, that my heavenly father does love me no matter the mistakes I make.

I am thankful for the sunshine to bask in while I watch 13 going on 30 because I had all my homework done and could relax in the quietness of my house.

I am thankful for washing dishes, do you know how therapeutic that is? Man! No wonder I want a huge family, I can make huge dinners and than spend an hour, to myself, thinking washing the dishes. It may sound weird to you...but it is quite magical to me.

I'm thankful for today November 9,2011 at 3:32pm. I love today, and my goodness I'm grateful for it.

:)

I'm excited, anxious, anticipating, lively, hoping, waiting...in a good way

Life sometimes goes too smoothly to be believable.
Life is sometimes so exciting that you can't stay in one spot for longer than a minute.
Life is sometimes wonderful, but keeps you guessing what's around the next corner.
God knows what will make you happy.
He places people in your life that will change it for the better.
He gives you opportunities to grow, even if it stretches you a bit.
He gives us love.
He gives us second chances.
He helps write each individual love story.
He helps life be worth while.

There is someone watching out for my happiness that I cannot see, but he loves me.