Thursday, December 30, 2010

New Year, New Me

With the new year coming in a short two days it's hard not to think about the past year. Where I have been, Who I have been, and What I did. The Good, the Bad, the Ugly. The lists of things I planned on doing and never finishing, and lists of things I wanted to accomplish and surprised myself by finishing. The planned, the spontaneous, etc. I have come to realize that I am not a very organized person. I go with flow, I live each day as it's own moment. I don't look too far into the future, I never have. But I contemplate and spend more than I should thinking about the past, reliving the past, wishing I didn't do things, or wishing I did. I have too many "What if's" in my life that I sometime forget about the good that is happening in my life at the present moment. These moments that will soon be past, that I will soon relive in my mind. Why then would I make these moments, the moments of the present, anything but great? (I think I just found my theme for the coming year)

Food for the past year:
How many breaths you've taken?
How many steps you've taken?
How many hours you've spent driving?
How many songs you've listened to?
How many times you've listened to certain song?
How many movies you've watched?
How many words you've read?
How many pieces of gum you've chewed?
How many texts you've sent?
How many hours you've spent at school?
How many times you've blinked?
How much money you've spent?
How many times you've brushed your teeth?
How many hours you've slept sleeping?
How many times you've said, "Hi"?
How many miles you've driven?
How many people you've met?
and most important:
How many lives you've have changed?
This coming year I want to be a different person. I don't want to be defined by things that have happened in this year of 2010. I know everyone says, "This new year is going to be THE BEST YEAR EVER) ...that works for about the month of January, maybe a few days into February. I don't expect it to be the best year ever. But I would like to think that I will have the most growth in this coming year, in many ways. I want to grow spiritually. Get closer to my heavenly father and quite possibly have an amazing spiritual experience in Nauvoo this coming summer. I just have to prove that I want it.
I want this year to be a time of secular learning, letting go of the past, getting on the road (and staying) to become who I'm supposed to be. This idealistic person I have in my mindset.

A new year brings about new beginnings.
I think that's why we get one every 365 days.
It gives us a moment to re-evaluate our lives, to see how we are doing in all aspects.
It gives us a chance to scrap the bad, and bring in the good.
Throw away the trash of the past.
An opportunity to move forward, start anew.
So for the coming year, try your best to make it your best.
If you get down and days are not ideal, find the good and focus on that.
Anything that is good, comes from God.
If we have a focus on Him, no matter what happens in the coming year will be for our good.
Our growth.
Our eternal progression.

So to everyone, I love you. And good luck in the coming year. Be HAPPY it's a NEW YEAR! 2011 is another year that we are all blessed to have. Live everyday as if it was your everyday. Period. Don't waste a moment in regret, depression, or longing for what could have been. See the future, the bright light that it is and run to it :)
I'm going to try and do the same thing!


Saturday, December 25, 2010

People getting married, getting married

In the past week 4 friends of mine of either gotten engaged or hitched, one including an ex boyfriend of mine. People say it would be weird to hear of an ex getting engaged, I didn't believe I do.
It's weird to think that you and this person had something "special" at one time on another and then you hear of them planning on spending the rest of their life with someone else. Someone, more than likely, will have some of the same pet names, do some of the same activities, kissing, hugging, enjoying each other's company just as you did. When you were dating them. Am I so crazy to think that's a little weird? (I know some smartypants pants is going to come along and say in their head, "Well did you really expect him to just swoon over you, never letting go since you guys broke up and still wish you were together, and regret that he ever let you go?") Well Yes! Duh! .....Joke. No. Really, I don't think that, but it's still feels like that person has a part of you, they always will. You gave them secrets, you went through ups and downs and all arounds with them. Good memories, and bad memories. You gave a little piece of your heart away.
And you'll never get it back.

Well that was a little soap boxy (boxie? boxen?) now wasn't it?

I woke up this morning with marriage on the brain (as you can tell) and this little saying was, sprawled on the wall of the room I was in--- in my dream. It said, "Hope, Charity, Love, and Patience are the foundations of a good marriage." I think I just had a profound moment.
(Me! Profound!)
And so I wrote it down and I think whenever the dickens I get married that I will try to live those 4 little words. As I hear stories of what married people go through I start to think those 4 little words may be very helpful in the years to come, whenever marriage does come around.

"Marriage is the greatest happiness here on earth" - Brother Eggett

Hope: "What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." If you don't have hope which can also be associated with faith then getting very far in life will be extremely difficult especially when you are trying to do it on your own. And when was the last time you looked back at a trial and realized it has made you a better person, a better version of you.( I have started to notice these things's ok you're not the only one ) God knows what he is doing.

Charity: "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that when ye are in service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." Self explanatory.

Love: "The most important thing in life is to learn how to give our love, and let it come in." This morning I went to go visit my grandmother and as I was walking out the door she said something along the lines of, "Love yourself, take care of yourself. Because you are the only one that will love you as much as you love yourself." I took it to heart, if we don't love ourselves and see the beauty that is on the inside and outside we will never truly be able to love others. Even though it's hard at times to see the masterpiece we are, we must try.

Patience: "God always teaches us patience, when we do not have time for the lesson." If we do not have patience with those around us then we cannot see past what is the issue and see that people are not perfect, people make mistakes. Everyone has a past, but everyone is yearning and planning for a better future. Nothing can be done alone. And there is always someone there to give us a helping hand.

What it boils down to is Christ. Christ is what we need to center our lives around. Our single lives, our married lives, our young family lives, grown up families, work place lives, retired lives , and into the eternities. Whenever it happens for me and whenever it happens for you, if we want marriage to work we must have God central in that union. That's the only way it will work.
(What a shpeal this has been huh?)
He is Hope. He is Charity. He is Love. He is Patience.
Christ is everywhere, Christ is in this season and he is throughout the whole year, we sometimes have to go searching for him, because we are the ones who have turned and walked the other way for a time, but he is always the same spot waiting for us.. (NieNie says it really well right HERE: if you're feeling down about something you've done or are at a time in life that seems less than satisfactory) I'm beginning to realize how much of an affect he has on this world, this tiny globe that we call home.
In the spirit of the season, Merry Christmas to one and all. Remember Christ the Lord and the Love, and everything He has done for us. It truly is Amazing Grace!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Monday, December 6, 2010

A Christmas Carol

As many of you may know I am in the Hale Center Theater in Orem's production of, "A Christmas Carol" I am a soprano in the choir and loving it! Plus I get a huge hoop skirt dress (beauitful!) so i'm going to do a little (COME SEE MY SHOW!!) shpeal...yes that is a word.

So in short: Come see this show, or you will be haunted by three ghosts! Jk. Or you can just come see it because you know i'm in it! You can buy tickets HERE. (Go on, click it)
The show is already 93% sold out!
December 1 - 23
More specifically I am in the M,W,F cast...BUT even MORE specifically here are the days in which I will be playing : 8, 11(8:00pm), 13, 20-23 (every showing) Hope to see you there!

Dear Friend

I wanted to take a moment to apologize for everything...I wish this was different and I wish certain things hadn't transpired. I wish that I was a different person when we came together. I was not the ideal for you, especially so fresh off your journey. You needed so much better but I ended up helping knocking you down a few pegs and bringing you to a place you never should have experienced. I hope that someday I may be able to reconcile with you. Now as you're trying to regain your footing please know and remember this apology for me being a hindrance and in some ways a devil's advocate. I know I am responsible for the pain and grief you now bear in more ways than one. I hope that in the future in any way I could help you, you'll let me. . I am so sorry. You mean the world and more to me, but I have failed to really show that to you. I'm sorry my dear friend. I'm sorry for letting you down.

Sincerely with Love,

"Baby you can start again.
Laughing in the open air; have yourself another dream.
Maybe we can start again."