Thursday, April 30, 2009

As the minutes tick by

So at this very moment i am procrastinating my last and final, final. I have gone of facebook, yahoo and finally here to blogger to see if anyone in the last several hours has posted anything for me to read. Alas, nothing. Not one tiny new detail about someones life that i can read about. It's quite sad really.. i love reading about people getting engaged, new babies, or how well they did on their final. It just gives me a sense of being apart of someones life even if they are several miles away, or just in the next room.
Anyway, tonight I was apart of a huge musical performance. My choir (UVU masterworks Chorale) ---(i hate the name by the way) and the utah valley symphony sang/performed, Brahms "Requiem". Last night we did it for the second time and i wasn't trying at all. I was barely singing the music, hardle paying attention to the conductor and the whole performance felt like a lifetime and a half. Literally, i could feel the life in me being sucked away and slowly trickling onto the floor. So in that hour i was miserable and was happier than i have ever been to have a performance end. So today, i was dreading as the minutes and hours ticked closer to the time that i had to drive over to the Covey arts center and sing that dang Requiem again. But, i went. And while i was waiting to be able to line up before the performance was to start i decided that I was going to actually "feel" the music this time. Enjoy it. Love it. And Live it. So i did. And during the performance I was amazed at so many beautiful technicalities I had missed the previous night. There is one part where the notes and phrasing of the choir were clinging onto the last note of a measure and everything just clicked. It was absolutely gorgeous, and I realized in that moment, WHY i love music so much. I love the way that it can transport all your 5 senses into a place you don't normally roam. You see magic within the notes and courage, adventure, doubt, love, peace, and joy in a matter of seconds. Melodies are trapped inside one another encompassed by the sneaky breath and the beautiful mood. You get goosebumps running up and down your body and you FEEL the music surrounding you. And THAT is why i do music, THAT is why i have stayed with music for so many years. It brings out the best in people, it shows that we are all different, but the same. There is happiness in the world, there is sadness. But with sadness comes great joy and a long fermata clinging onto that last moment of unbelief at how something could be so glorious.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

What's in a strand of hair?

Seriously, i just realized how much i despise washing my hair. It's ridiculous how much i absolutely hate washing my hair. Don't get me wrong, i love my long hair, but is just so much work. Especially when it takes the 20 minutes to wash it in the shower, 10 minutes for it to towel dry, 10 minutes - 15 minutes to blowdry it and usually another 10 - 15 minutes to straighten the darn thing. Geez, girls have it hard. What we go through to look cute for boys and they hardly notice half the time..
But, i love my hair, I just wish it wasn't so demanding with how you are supposed to take care of it. Bleh. And i'm done :)

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Wow two decades = 7300 days!

Today, I turned 20.
If that doesn't kick someone into reality transitioning from a teenager to adult, then i'm not sure what will .

You know how the day you turn the "year older", you don't really FEEL older...yet. It isn't until you're about to grow another year older do you start feeling like that age. So it seems like I am in a continuous circle in which I will never be as "mature" as my actual age, because I takes half the year to get to that point. Haha. Maybe i am the only who thinks this way, but whatever is whatever, right?

So i was looking through photos of junior high school and even high school and i think that I am a tad different, some aspects more than others. I think that I am quite alot more mature than I was back in high school. Like any person would say. But I actually feel like the age I am (not trying to contradict what I said above), I look back at high school and realize that the drama that I felt was so trivial. And it really wasn't worth the effort to be prom queen, or go out with that specific guy, or be the main part in the school musical. High school is high school, and that's where it SHOULD stay...but it doesn't. *sigh* Nope college is slightly and sadly much like high school just at a slightly higher, shall we say, uping the stakes? Instead of just going on dates for fun and such, it is "if you go on a date with him then you're saying you want to marry the guy.." .....*cough cough* you're kidding, right?!?! Really? When did that mean i wanted to marry the guy? I thought it was about meeting people, making friendships, and THEN if you see something that may be something else then go for it kinda thing. No wonder boys are so afraid of asking us devilish girls out on dates. goodness.

Wow, random of the subject sorry...back to me!

So, yesterday my dear friend Laurie gave my some fantastic shoes and a journal in which I have the opportunity to write whatever I want in it. And along with this journal came three, unsightly pictures of me and Laurie going through our incredibly awkward teenage years. I wish that I had a scanner in which I could scan and reveal the awfulness of them. Let's just say that I will be awkward looking for the rest of my life. I'm almost positive that a few years from now I will be saying "what the crap was I doing with my hair" etc. etc. etc.
So might as well reap the moments in which I think I actually act/feel mature. HA!
Anyway, I was thinking about some random things that I have done through these 20 years of my life. And heck i haven't been doing too bad!

A list of things I think are worth writing about:
1. I learned how to ride my bike at age 4
2. I could swim on my own before floaties were cool
3. I could beat anyone at checkers. Since the 4th grade.
4. My first kiss was on the 1st grade playground. In 1st grade, with Mitchell Palmer.
5. I have broken all 10 of my fingers, I have a story for each and everyone one.
6. I flew a plane (my grandpa's)
7. I have been to Mexico, New york city, and Europe
8. I graduated from high school
9. I realized who my real friends are and i'm not letting them go.
10. I used to hate shoes, now i love them
11. I read Les Miserable, (the long one!)
12. I won 1st place in a Nickelodeon "Party at your school" drawing, and got many awesome toys. (you had to win grand prize for them to come to your school)
13. I have seen and sung for President Gordon B. Hinckely
14. I have learned that even though I make mistakes, I get right back on my feet and fix it. And now that I'm 20 I have to take responsibility for my actions (blah) And that you always have an opportunity to fix what you have messed up, but it would seriously be better not to mess up in the first place. (OH so easier said than done.!)

(Taken from Liesl, she tagged me, so I am obligated to do so)

8 things I did last week and this week:
1. I bought 5 new books and recieved two others for my birthday
2. I learned how to make curry
3. Maybe have decided on a major, and decided i'm quite indecisive
4. Half cleaned my room
5. Realized that half of Utah county is getting married this year.
6. Felt incredibly thuggish at a hip-hop class.
7. Went swimming, inside, it was raining.
8. Went to get my car registered...didn't pass...4 times...and still hasn't passed

8 favorite current books ( in no particular order)
1. The 13 reason why
2. The book thief
3. The pendragon series
4. The Harry Potter Series
5. Peter pan
6. Wildwood dancing
7. Ella Enchanted
8. The other Boyeln Girl

8 Fave broadway shows (It was supposed to be resturants, but liesl changed it to broadway shows and I enjoyed that idea very much)
1. Wicked (so amazing, so passionate, so true)
2. Les Miserables (changed my life, and was heart wrentching)
3. West Side Story (fantastic music, drama, and love)
4. The Drowsy Chaperone (can't get enough of it, so slap sticky, so so funny)
5. Hairspray(I can't believe people can dance like that AND sing at the same time!)
6. Thouroughly Modern Millie (tap, loathing turned to love, 1920's mm)
7. Once On This Island (the story and dancing was lovely)
8. Footloose (dancing, story, love the music)

8 things I'm looking forward to:
1. Spring, spring, spring
2. My haircut tomorrow
3. A new start
4. My car being registered
5. More books and shoes in the future
6. Getting better at drawing
7. Catching one of those ducks
8. Getting a job

8 wishes
1. I had a million bucks
2. Be able to hear people's thoughts
3. World Pea-----actually. hmmm
4. save the polar bears!
5. Travel everywhere
6. To know what i want to do in life
7. To do have a kitty and doggy
8. to be tri-lingual

8 people to tag
That man on the corner of 5th and Main.
J.K. Rowling (Good idea Liesl)
That cute guy at Tucanos' (haha)
Anyone else with time to kill

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Well, the feeling doesn't go away.

“I am sometimes disappointed, but I love my life ... and I must believe that the disappointments contribute something to what I love.” - Jan Denise
I didn't make Beauty and the Beast. Not even as a spoon, or a rug or anything. I got the email this morning and now I am kinda having a crumby day. Is that understandable or am I acting immature? If i'm acting immature than i'm sorry, but i need to rant out my feeling just a tad bit, so that I can feel better and move on with my life.
What did i do wrong?
Did i do anything right?
A month before this audition I had auditioned for another show at the Scera. The director, my friends' dad helped me after the auditioned by telling me what I could do better in future audtions.
Having a Character.
Be animated.
Have fun.
I didn't make it in the other show either.
Maybe, i'm not supposed to do theater. Maybe i am never what people are looking for. Maybe i'm better for a place, in a cubicle, for the rest of my life. Guess I better start looking. Sigh.
But, the thing is, everytime I audition for a show, everytime! they say, "you have such a beautiful voice", "you have improved SO much", "Why haven't I seen you here before?"
And then, a week later when the cast list comes out, i'm not on it...again.
If you don't think i have a chance of getting into the show, then TELL ME. Don't sugar coat it! I hate when people sugar coat things, I would much rather be told the truth then be dragged along slowly and painfully down the road of hope and dreams, and have them crushed at the end of the road with a piles of huge boulders of pain and disappointment.


“I am sometimes disappointed, but I love my life ..."

I do, I do love my life. Last week in church was the first time I bore my testimony in the last three years, I was shaking like a bat, but I did it. I am finding and meeting new people in the scriptures, people i have heard about and "read" about in church, but now I am getting to know them.
In voice lesson, I am learning an Italian song.
It's hard.
But i love it, everytime i sing it.
I know I sing classically better than musical theater. I just envy the people that can do both (Erin). :) (love ya girl)

I guess this is a learning experience and maybe the Lord is telling me that I am not supposed to do theater, I'm not supposed to be on stage, i'm just supposed to stay in the back, behind a few more people, in a choir...

Well there you go.

"...and I must believe that the disappointments contribute something to what I love."

I love music
I just cant seem to express myself in it the right way.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Waaa HA!

Last night, I went to a hip-hop class.
It was SO freaking fun. Oh my goodness. I was having a blast and felt quite thuggish by the end of the class. It was an hour long but seriously felt only 10 minutes long.
I was pop and locking all over the place and felt so cool doing. I can't wait to go again!