I was walking towards my institute class today and I ran into one of the boys I dated, it was actually my first boyfriend. We said hello to each other and asked about each other's lives and then went on our way, I had to take a step back and reassess that part of me that will always be with him. I dated him, loved him, and we were apart of each other's lives for a time that will always been in my heart.
It is interesting to then contemplate about how some relationships just don't work. That even though you are attracted to this person, that there may be a time where something about your relationship doesn't click and that's when you say goodbye. But even when you have said goodbye there are still little pieces or places in your heart for that person, the pieces where you want to know that their life is going well, that they are happy, that they are still striving to be better with a different people and different events. You still care about them and want the best for them. I know, i know there are situations that all you want to do is completely forget about that person you shard so many weeks or months with but I think those relationships will be apart of your life forever, they are part of the reason you are who you are today. And they are part of the reason for you finding who you are with now, and finding what you like and what you don't like in a life-long companion.
A good friend of mine once wrote a post that I printed off and put into my journal because I thought it was so profound. It was talking about soul mates, but not in the way that you would expect. She was stating that soul mates are the people that come into your life for a specific reason and than at whatever time may leave because you have learned what was needed to learn and you really have no use for them anymore at that time in your life. These are the past boyfriends, the friends that have gone astray, the loved ones that we don't care to speak to. These soul mates that seem to pop up when we need a little prick of remembering where we have come from and how far we have come. They also remind us of how much we need to continue to grow and continue to find these soul mates in our lives.
I find it absolutely amazing that a man like Matthew Call wants to marry me. I have done things, seen things, and been apart of things that I would rather bury than have to recount sometimes when a fleeting thought reminds me of darker days in my personality. But then I take a more positive outlook on my past and remind myself that those things, mistakes, issues, problems, and self unawareness is what makes me who I am and the woman he wants to marry. Those things may be apart of my past, they make me who I am, but not by any means do they define me.
So I will leave you with this poem about keeping your chin up and finding those soul mates that make the difference in your life.
"I wish I were a glow worm
A glow worm's never glum
How can you be gloomy
When the sun shines out your bum"
I love you, yes you, the one who read this: