Sunday, November 29, 2009

Word Vomit

Well for the past little while I have wanted to just sit down at the computer and write. And it doesn't matter what comes out, how it sounds, whether I not I have punctuation or whether it makes sense in anyway. So here we go ladies and gentlemen


Interestingly so I have never had the opportunities that I would have liked myself to have, because frankly I have kept myself so inside myself that I haven' ventured out and tried new things for awhile. But for the past little while I have actually tried to try new things. Things that I normally wouldn't do in my daily life or any life that wasn't planned out by the most of the time boring person hermit that I am. In the last couple weeks I have gone to a club all the way up in Ogden with a dear friend and it turned out the place had a once in a life time high school night...and we ended up coming there on the interestingly so night..oh goodness and we ended up locking our private room and dancing around like maniacs. But no one could see and even if they could we would still have the time and fun that we had that night with each other. I entered this contest on myspace, a karaoke contest. Did you know that karaoke in japanese actually means "tone deaf" and now that you think about it, it actually makes sense, ya know? Weird how correlations like that occur. I am waiting to see if my entry led to anything but who will take awhile for them to decide. Oh and I have a crush and i can't seem to find the words to tell him how I feel and I don't know if I should tell him how I feel because we are such good friends and I don't want to go risking the friendship and the fun times that we have shared just so i could see if he likes me back...i don't know if it is worth it?!?! Shoot this dating game and trying to guess what the other person is saying when in reality, I tend to looking too deeply into what someone says or maybe i'm not looking deep enough and don't realize what they said or didn't catch on and then I lose a chance. shoot ---i'm horrible at reading people. Always have been and always will be. I got home today from a thanksgiving break vacation visiting my brother and my father, it was super fun but went by waywaywayway too fast. (the first time that I wrote fast it came out fat. ha ha) and I forgot to get caught up on my math homework so now I am scrambling around in my brain to try and figure out the nonsense that is stuck in between the real and the not real. Last night I had a horrible nightmare, and i don't like nightmares and it made me feel uncomfortable, but i guess i had been a little stressed out about what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life for the last couple days. So that probably contributed to the whole "let's give Brianna a nightmare so she can think straight again" mind trick that minds do to people. So subconscious brain (thank you for making my life that much more able to live) And such i believe that math was made from the devil and I think that not doing a math for a week definitively stifles the smart gene you once thought you had. I have also been starting to write a song, the very first song where its actually forming into something but I have found out that I, myself, brianna, am a horrible lyricist. So I may just find a poem to stick in for the lyrics and call it good but that would be plagiarism..gosh darnit my morals.jk but I have been getting quite good on the guitar..well at least its good when no one else is listening so I just maybe having a not so much fair looking at it..or something like that. ---anyway--- Do you ever have those days where you're just disgusted at yourself, but for no apparent reason? Maybe you said something you didn't mean to someone. Or wrote a message that you wish you could take back because it may seem like you're being desperate (and that's the last thing that you wanna come across as?) Have you ever had a time where you wish you weren't so shy and wish you had some quirky comment to contribute to the conversation? Where you wish you did this instead of that and wonder how the day would have turned out differently if you had done it the other way? What if you had eaten the orange instead of the apple? Does that have a real big affect on how your life turns? If waking up 2 minutes late for work made your day go a little off then how would of 2 minutes early have changed things? What if you took that random chance, instead of standing back in the bleachers and watching someone else do it? Is it ok to be jealous of others and what they have or the chances that they are willing to take? Jealous of the conversations that people can have? Jealous of the how to do's and how to don'ts people have such a hold onFor the most part i'm happy with my life at the moment but am having a hard time even concentrating on the blasted I am going to bid thee farewell into the dead of night where hopefully I am not confronted with a nightmare again..*shudders*

Thursday, November 26, 2009


Well as everyone knows today is/was thanksgiving day. One of the few days out of the year where everyone including myself takes a moment out of their life to think about the things that they are truly grateful and thankful for. We really should do that more often, because we have so much to be grateful and not enough time (or internet space) to write it all down. But I want to make a little list of the things that I am grateful for.

I am grateful for:
- Music- can't go a day without turning some form of music on or humming something on my way to work, school or to hang out with a good friend.
- School- You know someday's school just drives you up the wall and then there are those rare occasions when you are genuinely interested in everything that the professor is talking about. Those days are the days where I am glad that i'm a professional student, at the moment.
- Mom- She is the one person who keeps me close to the gospel and helps me see that even if hard times come up in your life that if you keep the faith that anything will fix itself. We always learn alot from eachother, we lift each other and we can talk for hours if we want.
- Dad - He is a guy who I love to call everyday, as i'm walking to school, just to see how he is doing even though not much has changed since the last time I talked to him. Me and him can talk about anything under the sun and have a legit conversation, one with controversy and comedic timing.
- Friends- The best people in my life, besides my family. They keep me going, they love me for the quirky, weird person and I am. Wether is be singing in the car to Glee, drinking an apple beer while driving around listening to U2, wearing my first mud mask and flaunting it in pictures, harmonizing random songs that don't mean much except simutaneously improvisation, watching chick flicks/westerns/comedies and laughing, crying, and dying from surprise. :)

I'm also grateful for
-The rain
-Newly cut green grass
- The atmosphere
-Hot chocolate
-My apartment
-My Job
-The singles ward
-My car
-My kitty cat (mushu)
-My brother
-Fall colors
-Regaining a friendship

and the one of the largest things

I am so grateful for the gospel, the Lord, and all that he does for me. Helping me through life even though sometimes it may seem like i'm stuck. But he has a plan and is waiting for me to put my trust in him and be grateful for the things he has already given me. I'm grateful to know I can have my family for eternity, that I have my brother and what a sweet person he is. How he tries to act like my older brother even though he is 3 years younger. It is super endearing. I love it. I love the education that I am recieving, I love feeling smarter and know i'm learning everyday through every action, thought, word, and deed. Its exciting to expand horizions and develop new hobbies and skills. I love books at the places and worlds the pull you into for a short or long amount of time. The ability, that we as people have, to bring words to life and bring emotion the the page or through notes and melodies. I love the different seasond, each one bringing a new task, a new adventure, new people to meet. I am so grateful for my life and the opporunity to continue you, to grow and learn and meet and seek. To love, to lose, to show and to do.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Rauni and I

A few days ago my good friend Rauni was wanting to go take some picture together up in the canyon. So darn tootin' that's what we did. Around 4:30 ish in the afternoon we headed up the leave/snow covered canyon and went up to nun's park and found a brother of hers to help with the camera. Thanks Addy! It was super fun and I believe we got quite a few fun pictures from it :)

Monday, November 16, 2009

Monday's are hard in 21 degree weather

Because I can't think of anything else to write i will fill out this little questionnaire about my life at the moment. I'm pretty sure that I want Liesl and Erin to do it too, seeing as they are the only ones who read this blog of mine :)

  • Who was your favorite celebrity as a child? I have to say that the Red ranger on Power rangers WAS my favorite celebrity as a child, seeing as that is the gist of what I watched.
  • What type of pets do you have? I have one kitty, his name is Mushu. He gets along with most people except Blue for some reason...she calls him the devil cat. Sad right? My family has had fish and water frogs and my brother had a hermit crab which i accidently stepped on and killed...yea, not a good memory.
  • What is your favorite color? I like colors in the Red cateorgy along with the yellows if you couldn't tell by the color scheme i have on my blog right now :)
  • What is most memorable about your high school years? Choir, I loved choir and still do. But Mr keyes just made it amazing and so exciting and made our choirs sound amazing and he still does it to this day. I also loved my drama friends even if there are only a few who still talk to me. I love em dearly especially watching Glee or just being crazy and singing loud in the car!
  • What word describes you best? circumspect
  • What is your greatest accomplishment? Getting my life together with a few things and becoming more independent .
  • What drives you every day? The weekend
  • What is your favorite food? Pizza, i never get sick of that stuff. My favorite food right now though is grilled ham and cheese. mmm
  • Where do you want to retire? not st. george. But somewhere warm, maybe Florida
  • Where do you like to vacation? I would like to go backpacking through Europe someday. Mexio or Figi would definitely be more nice seeing as it would be warm.
  • Who do you admire? Alot of people. People who go to BYU. I admire my mom for being strong throughout her life. Anyone who has or has had cancer
  • What is your mission? In life? The cliche mormon answer. i want a family, a big family.
  • If you were invisible, where would you go? probably backstage at a Micheal Buble concert and see what goes on down stairs before the show starts.
  • What traits in others are you attracted to? Loud, outthere, funny, silly.
  • What is the kindest thing anyone has done for you? Hmm I try to be nice..I drove my friend to school. ? i dont' know what I have done for someone
  • How do you want to be remembered? As a kind person who didn't whine and was happy in life and didnt have a care in the world except she cared for her family and friends and was always there to lend a hand. I dont' feel like i need change the world in a large way, just a way that may help someone become better and it turn help me become better. i want to be remembered as a light-hearted, sweet person...(wow i need to work on some stuff)
  • What would you do with a million dollars? put a bunch of it away for Retirement, I wouldn't quit my job, I would help my mom pay off her house, i would buy my own house. Treat my mom and brother to a trip of a lifetime, maybe a cruise and then save the rest and live nicely and invest a little bit.
  • If you were on an island, who would you want to be with? Why? probably my brother James, he can kill things and we definitely wouldn't starve. He is pretty handy and can think of ways to put things together. he's smart like that.
  • You have a 10 minute speech to give at a high school, what is it about? How popularity doesn't really matter in high school. That once you graduate you really figure out who your true friends are. So always be nice to those you associate with and don't talk bad about others. Don't worry about what others think of you and just go all out. Don't hesitate about something you want to do but it is scary, you don't want to regret not doing something's you didn't and could have easily done. Be outgoing but don't be conceited .