I love, love

(These pictures are of some of my favorite couples)
I love seeing pure affection. I love seeing the sweetness in people's eyes when they look at each other and you just know they are in love. I can't get enough of watching the sweet exchanges of hello kisses and goodbye hugs. I always swoon every time Matt's hand slips into mine. I just love, love and I always have.
Even when I was a single chick, I loved Valentine's Day. It's quite a commercial holiday, but it helps you get back on track for remembering who is important in your life. Along with birthday's, anniversaries, and family reunions. And in between those larger life events you find these days where you feel overwhelming, contagious love for everyone around you. Just because.
I love seeing my friends find people, fall in love, and find their way to marriage. Love just makes life bearable, it makes life live able, it culminates all that life should hold.
I believe that God built life in steps so that we could experience degrees of love. Starting when we are children, we found love for our parents, grandparents, sisters and brothers. As we grow older we suddenly find ourselves finding the other gender attractive, and mysterious. Puppy love carries us through Junior High and High School where we could very well find someone we would like to carry on with throughout our lives. We experience the first feelings of true love; a warm feeling in the heart, sweaty palms, and jittery moments when that person moves in for the first peck on your lips. You couldn't have dreamed that anything could be so perfect and then you get engaged. Your heart grows three sizes more for person, you love them more than anyone before. You think about them all the time and the life that you will soon have with them.As the days till marriage grow shorter you can't bear to part and you keep saying, "Soon, instead of saying Goodbye, we'll be able to say Goodnight" The wedding day comes and your heart swells even more, and you know your life has never been this happy before.
I believe that God did this on purpose. He built our hearts to grow as we grow older so that it can hold more love. And more love we will feel as we continue through life.
I love, love. If you haven't found your "one" and only yet don't be discouraged. God has a plan and he will lead you to each other. Keep the faith and love those around you and much as you can.

I truly am...

I truly am beautiful. I have some of the most interesting eyes, they are brown/green/yellow/blue all thrown into one eyeball.

I truly am honest with those around me. I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

I truly am a kind person and feel bad if I have ever wronged anyone or have made them anything but happy.

I truly am a hard worker and as such may be a little OCD when it comes to my projects. I know I am capable of good job, so I will work to ensure It. Is. a good job.

I truly am in love with my husband and am always content when I am with him. 

I am truly a good human being, who loves to talk with people and hear their stories. 

I truly am capable of completing and doing something well, if I put my mind to it. 

I truly love making people happy, I love hearing them laugh, and seeing that glow. 

I truly enjoy looking at food blogs more than I enjoy reading magazines about clothes.

I truly love my parents, my in-laws, and all my extended family, and wouldn't know what I'd do without them.

I truly am creative and because of that, sometimes get irritated with the concrete world's dullness.

I truly am a woman who doesn't understand why people are mean, just for the sake of being mean. 

I truly am someone who loves to help people. 

I truly am someone who loves to make new friends, and keep old ones near and dear to my heart. 

I truly am someone who will mourn for those who will die, that I have grown so close to and loved so dearly.

I truly am someone who loves lists, who loves order (co-existing with chaos).

I truly am someone who loves baths amidst candlelight.

I truly am someone who can be a pushover but always has something to say.

I truly am someone who will drop everything to come help you (just ask).

I truly am a daughter of God, a sister of the highest, a daughter of the best dad in the world, a daughter of the kindest and best mother in the world, and have so many things to be grateful for. 

I truly am a good person. 

Sometimes it's good to list the good things about yourself.

When was the last time you tried it?

Dear Friend,

I am so excited for you!

 I am so happy and proud of you for following the spirit, for loving without fear, and for taking what you have been blessed with and running with it. 

I am so excited for the new adventures you will be exeriencing.

I am so excited that you will be able to have someone to hold you when you cry, to love you each day and night, to keep you safe and away from harm.

I'm so happy for you to find someone you love, unconditionally. 

I'm so happy you will be married in the right place, at the right time, to the right man.

AH!!! I am so giddy for you! 

I love weddings. 

You will be a darling bride

He will be your dashing prince 

I can't express and am doing a horrible job at it now, expressing how happy I truly am for you.

I love you darling.

I'm so excited for you.

So happy.

So Giddy.

So excited to see you be as happy as I was on my wedding day. 

Ah man!!!

I love this! 

Dear Friend,

Love you bunches,

but not near as much as he does :)

There are really good people in this world.

Yesterday I was distraught. I felt that I hadn't done my best at a simple 8 minute presentation for one of my education classes. I had freaked out and as a result stuttered, tripped over my words, and skipped steps of the actual presentation. I let it affect my mood and suddenly I was loathing life, dreading continuing the day, and even contemplating becoming a hermit and dropping out of school. I was completely encased with dread and remorse for a simple mistake.
I voiced my prideful and distraught opinion about my situation on facebook, much like a 12 year old junior high student would do. Luckily people are sensitive, kind and just all around wonderful. What I found when I logged back in what a plethora of encouragements to "do better next time", "you will not be perfect over night" nor "will you reach the 'destination' of being a good teacher because it is a 'direction'."

People are so nice sometimes.

After my class today I was surrounded by a few cohort friends who voiced genuine concern for me (you know who you are) and let me know that I was doing just fine. That I was a good teacher, and that I just needed to keep practicing and working everyday to be a teacher. Many expressed times where they too felt inadequate or unable to do something. Some described fears of playing the piano in front of others, even though they had an amazing talent and could read almost any piece of music in front of them. Others expressed frustration while conducting a recent ballroom class as an instructor and others just afraid of failing, just like me.
I found out that no one sees what I see when I teach. I found out that others have fears just as I do.
   There are really good people in this world, and I have the opportunity, if not the privilege of associating with a majority of them on a daily basis.

Valentine's Day

The day started out with the best, most exciting, chocolate and Valentine's stuffed cohort party.
I seriously LOVE my cohort.
They are all going to be fantastic teacher's.

Everyone brought treats of every kind.

We had Valentine's boxes too! This is the front.

And the back of mine. I sure do love that man, even in cartoon form

Leah and I showing off our yummy treats, this girl is so funny! 

The outcome of sugary treats! That bread was fantastic in every sense of the word.

Later in the day I came home to fine a package from my Dad and Xan.

It had a lovely assortment of treats that we can't find here in Utah, like this little gem!

So Good! Thanks you guys!

That night my cutie of a mom took Matt and I out to dinner at Brick Oven pizza in Provo.

It was a glorious evening of laughter, cheesy food, and glorious company. 

I love my mom. 

I love my friends 

and most of all I love this nugget:

Hope your Valentine's was filled with spending time with those you love!

Writings from work...

Often I find myself searching high and low for something to do at work. I finish all my necessary jobs and than end up writing down thoughts that strike me while the store is empty of customers. These are some of the more recent ones: 

... "If I wrote as much as I really think about during the day, I could fill a whole Encyclopedia. Full of my words, my thoughts, my dreams. I'm afraid of being to honest. I'm afraid it won't fit anywhere in the world. Everything in life seems to have a category, a subcategory, and sub-sub categories. My words seem to have no place, so it doesn't know where to call home. I'm afraid that because there are so many perameters in life that somethings will not get written, merely because they don't fit perfectly into the mold of what is acceptable." 

"I am confident. I am worth millions to many people. I care about others but could do better including everyone, not just those I pick and choose to be the ones I care about the most. I am beautiful, even on the days where my hair isn't perfect, my mascara is smearing, and my body is far from perfect always. I am loved, hated, known, and forgotten. I am a normal human being who may not be the center of attention, or liked by all. But I am loved by God and I am loved by Matt. The only people who truly matter aside from my parents." 

"I think I'm trying to be a deeper person than I am. Maybe it's OK to be simple, especially if means that I am happy." 

"I think I will always want more money. To things that cost money, you need money. I've place too much emphasis on gaining wealth and wondering where it went once it is spent. I must pick and choose what I need and want because there will never be enough money to do everything" 

Today is...

     Today is Wednesday, the day before Thursday, which precedes Friday. 
Today was filled with emotions all girls face; those of doubt, interest, uncertainty, love, charity, clumsiness, hardheadedness, and gluttony. 
I felt at times that people weren't being honest with me.
Other times I had a peaked interest in what my hair looked like and the type of clothes I have been wearing. 
I wasn't quite sure if my capacity to understand anything was in tune with anything that was being taught and times where I am reminded of how much I adore and love my husband, he is amazing.
I felt charity for those children at the elementary school, who want nothing but my help when I am there. When they say my name I feel an added feeling of warmth which mostly comes from hearing, "Mrs. Call" over and over again. I LOVE that my last name is Call. I love it. 
My clumsiness exemplified itself today in spilling spaghetti water half way across the kitchen floor, in opening the vacuum trap far too quickly resulting in all that had been sucked up being redistributed onto the floor, and tripping my pant leg and falling flat faced onto the dirt crusted floor. 
My hardheadedness makes an appearance everyday, with my characteristic want to debate and create and issue to be argued...when there is no real issue. I also say that soda is bad for me but not a whole pizza pie....my hardheadedness strikes again. 
I've been on a gluttonous kick and basically I have felt like throwing up every night this week because I just can't stop eating. 

I've realized my list is quite reminiscent of the 7 deadly sins...I think I may need to change the pattern of my life at the moment.   

Today is Wednesday:

Someday soon I will go rock climbing or boulding

One day soon I will catch up on my homework

Someday Matt and I will move down to St. George or back east

One day I will be in my own classroom, as a dignified and successful teacher

Tomorrow is Thursday. Happy Valentine's Day. 

Parting words: 

My Husband

M- Matthew is mine, my own, my one

A - Always around when I need someone 

T - The times we've had I would never trade 

T - The traits he has are like Pb & J with mine

H - He has all I need, and is all I have that truly matters

E - Everyday I'm with him is a day I wish to remember vividly 

W- We together throughout eternity, because a lifetime with him would be too short

I love you babe. 

Vlogging? Say What?

Thoughts on indecisiveness: Pep Talk

You always know what you want.
Isn't it true?

Don’t kid yourself by saying, “I don’t know what I want.”

You do know, the only problem is sometimes it’s scary to admit what you really want.

What makes your heart bloom, what makes it warm up at the thought?

Sometimes it may be the possibility of doing something new that scares you or the possibility of failing.

But you know what you’re capable of, so why second guess your wants and dreams?

They are worth fighting for, standing behind proud and ready for whatever comes to pass. 

My Application ... for a teaching intership

Somethings are scary, like holding a boa constrictor....then there is filling out a possible life changing application and you're still not completely sure if it is the right choice.

Regardless, I've got to make a decision before God lets me know I need to do and I have chosen to fill this dang thing out.

Here are the answers to the questions being asked of me in the application for the Internship program. I am trying to be myself, I hope that panel of principals and board members can see that. What do you think? Keep in mind that for 4 out of the 5 questions I was restricted to a mere 50 words or less to explain myself.

1. What are your long-term goals?
I would like to have my own classroom and pursue a Master’s in Education or Literacy for Children. I would like to be an asset to future generations in the classroom and in my own home and throughout my life continue to learn and become knowledgeable about many different subjects.

2. What are your short-term goals?

I will graduate from college with my Bachelor’s in Elementary Education where I will teach my own class and love every minute of it. I will enhance my teaching skills by improving my writing, expanding my vocabulary, and familiarizing myself          with the Spanish language to better assist my future students.

                                                                                                                           

3. List any experiences you have had teaching and/or working with children or youth.

 I have had numerous opportunities to interact with children in a teaching role. These experiences have helped me gain a healthy perspective on education. One such experience was my opportunity to serve as an LDS missionary in Nauvoo, Illinois. During those 4 months, my particular assignment was to participate in a children’s play and to interact with children on a daily basis. It was through this experience that I not only develop a love for teaching but also an admiration for the children themselves. Upon arriving home I found myself in a position where I was tutoring a child and his illiterate mother, the basics of reading and comprehension. I was able to learn how to take complex concepts and tailor them to both the unique needs of the child and the mother. Following that experience I was able to dive into my education classes which directed me to the work study opportunity which I am currently taking part. Each Tuesday and Wednesday I help in tutoring and aiding a full Kindergarten class in their course work and centers. I have learned how to connect with these children and as result they feel able to communicate their needs and worries to me easily and without fear of rejection.

4. Explain how you expect to benefit from an internship?

The internship will be an opportunity to be pushed past my comfort zone and to learn from my mistakes. It will enable to me to integrate my past experiences into a stable and engaging classroom atmosphere while continuing to become more confident in my ability as a teacher.

 5. Identify your strengths and weaknesses, and provide any other information you feel would be helpful to a district and/or principal. 

I am hardworking individual, I don't give up easily, and I like a challenge. I love being around children, being their friend, and each time I teach I get more comfortable being their teacher. I love the arts, particularly music and dance, and would like them implemented into my classroom. 

Plus an attached Autobiography:

In 1989 I was born in Englewood, Colorado. I was four years old when my parents divorced and my mother brought my brother and me to Utah. Here in Utah I attended Scera Park elementary, where I found a love for math and for singing. From fifth grade on I have always been found singing in a choir and asking for extra math homework when able. I love laughing hard and long, watching Star Wars, The Office and Harry Potter with my husband. I have been
able to walk along the Eiffel tower, see Les Miserables in London and take in the beauty of the Irish country side before ever entering college. More often than not I find myself wanting to spend my paycheck on two things; food and books. I love eating as much as I love cooking and am elated every time I find a new recipe to try out on Sunday evenings. One day I hope to have a large family with my husband who I had the great blessing of marrying in the LDS Mt. Timpanogus temple on April 28, 2012. These ten months have been the highlight of my life because of my husband. He keeps me ground and he continually helps me see my potential as a student and future teacher. I love to read. I love the snow. I love music and I can devour a full bag of peanut butter M&M’s if I am left too long with them.

***Any comments? Suggestions? Hoorah's? Good jobs? 

I'm going for it. I did, and will DO.

What do I want?

If this video doesn't change your perspective on life, at least let it make you think

Ugh

     As of now I have to make a decision. I have to make a decision on whether to apply for the internship program where I would be a first year teacher this fall, or continue you my education and just participate in student teaching, which is a 3 month commitment, graduate, and be on with my life.
      With the internship I could be an actually teacher, with my own class, my own rules, and my own students. I would get full health benefits, a year of teaching under my belt, and the experience of really knowing or not if teaching is for me.
     Student teaching would be me staying in my regular routine, finish my senior of college, teach for three months, while continuing to work at probably Emergency Essentials, graduate, and move on with life.
I don't know what to do.
     When I think about doing the internship I get pitting feeling in my stomach but then when I think about not doing it, I get the same feeling as if I'm letting myself down, or letting my future family down. I really don't know what I want, or what God wants me to do. I think that I have made a decision to do the internship, but I still haven't received an answer as to whether that is the correct decision for me or not and it's driving me nuts!

I constantly have these questions running through my head:

Can I really do this?
Would I be able to be a teacher?

Would I be able to think up all those lesson plans?

What makes teaching seem so hard?

So difficult?
What if I fail

What if I don't do my best?

What if teaching isn't what God meant when he told me to pursue education?

Why does receiving revelation have to be so difficult sometimes ? 

Why can't I just be told what to do?

I know I wouldn't follow it ...I'm a hard head. That's why he doesn't tell me up front. 

UGH! I'm so frustrated.

I don't know what to do.

   

My year's theme...2 months late

            I’ve been reading a few blogs recently that have stuck my interesting in a new pattern of living I’d like to partake in.

            It is simple, yet difficult at the same time and it will enable me to do my best and be the best I can be, by simply living a single word.

            A few blogs suggest choosing a phrase or word as your theme word for the year. I think I have come up with, even with it being February now.

            I initially was thinking “Do your Best!” and then I decided to shave it down to one and only one word, “Do.”

I think this one word can encompass so many things:

            I can Do  my best at school

            I can Do  my best at being a good friend to others

            I can Do  my best at being a good wife

            I can Do  my best at the possibility of a year long internship

            I can Do  my best at living the gospel

            I can Do  my best at getting to the temple once a month

            I can Do  my best at being my best self

            I can Do  my best at following the word of Wisdom

            I will Do  all I can to succeed.

I will Do.

That is my theme word for the year 2013.

Do.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone...

     Recently I have found myself in a bi-polar esque quandary of emotions. One day I am happy as can be, the next day I'm having the worst of my life. I want to blame in on birth control or weather-depression but I think I'm just being dramatic and need to take care of my body better than I have been.
     Regardless I have had some recent moments of pure bliss because of small but incredibly uplifting acts of kindness were shown to me.
     - My presentation in my literacy class went better than I could have imagined. All of my group was on top of it, confident, and ready. We spoke with skill and had the classroom captivated and moving along with us. I felt great about. Unfortunately I have become to interested in getting good grades that I stress out about how much work I need to do now. This next week for homework is going to be brutal. I'm sadly going to have to do homework on Sunday :(
     - I've been going back and forth about the internship in the fall. Often (usually while in class) I feel like I could be an am totally capable of succeeding at it and then other days (like yesterday) I was sure that I would be the worst pick for the job and that I shouldn't even try for it. It literally scares me to fail. Although I was talking with Matt last night and he believes that failure really isn't an option. To fail is not to even try. If you mess up or don't do as well as you had planned on something, that just means you're trying, it doesn't mean you're a failure. He reminded me that I have been kicking butt in my classes and he so kindly added that I haven't failed at anything since we had been married. That was a nice thought. Failure really doesn't exist.
     - There was a quote on Facebook that made me reconsider my "no trying for the internship phase" ...
I feel that it was an answer to a prayer, pushing me to go for it.

How true that is? Right?!?

I'm the kind of person where the small and simple really matter.
Saying hello for example, just do it, make eye contact and let someone know you actually care about their life even if you don't know them well.
My last few days were filled with a few of those, makes my heart warm. 

     -The other day I was visited at work by two amazing people, Leah and Ammon. They are these incredible people that I have had the opportunity to come to know. She is my blog buddy, my field partner for school and my best new friend. She is pretty much awesome and where there is one awesome there is another, her husband. They came in and brought me this super cute note, it is in reference to Parks and Recreation which both of us are in love with. They don't know this but that note and act of kindness almost brought me to tears. If not an hour ago I was writing down ways I wasn't succeeding, things I shouldn't be doing, and being incredibly rude to myself on paper. It's amazing how a simple thing like a smile, a kind gesture, or a note and a bag of chips (w/ dip!) can change the whole day around, literally.
     -Amazingly the acts of kindness didn't stop there! After working 8 hours at a job that is not my favorite some days I went home exhausted and fell asleep before I could even change into pj's. The next morning I hear a knock on the bedroom door and a sweet kind voice, which was connected to my husband's voice box, ask if I was awake. All I could muster was a moan but I looked up and found him standing there with a tray of food. He asked if I was hungry, I always am so I happily let him set it across my legs. He came and joined with a hot cup of cocoa as we watched a little Netflix (shhh, we've actually been watching some south park...sometimes it's funny) Once again, this little act of selflessness actually brought me to tears, I had to quickly wipe away that tender tear that had fallen down my cheek before Matt returned. It had just meant so much to me.

So life is good, life is difficult. If it was always the same medium of difficulty I think we would get bored, or exhausted. I'm just so grateful for the people in my life, this blog where I can write whatever I want, and my dear husband and friends for treating me so kindly and in more ways than one, answering a prayer.