Interviews, not always the most exciting thing.

Yesterday afternoon I had an interview for a prospective teaching internship this coming fall. I was sure I wanted it, I was sure I needed it.
I got all dressed up and ready to wow them with my best and most "looking like a teacher" outfit:

Personally, I thought I fit the part really well!
I drove to the UVU School of Education and as I was aerating the lawn with my gray boots I suddenly realized all the confidence that I had this morning had diminished. The answers that I had practiced over and over had left my brain suddenly. I was left in the dark. A principal from one of the schools lead me into the room where there were at least 8 or 9 principals sitting, jotting things down on their papers. I was motioned to sit in the middle seat but proceeded to give every single one of them a handshake.
I slowly sat down and felt my heart drop, "I don't want the internship" I could hear my brain say. "Oh, yes you do!" said my heart. They continued to fight throughout the interview, making me sound nervous.
Then the questions came and I knew I was in trouble.
They began asking questions that I had heard, I had practiced, and had recited like the star of a show hours earlier. But I couldn't remember anything, I couldn't put together sentences, and I was as exciting as a bean pole.

I could hear myself dripping with B.S. and I could tell they knew it too. I could tell by the way they spoke their answers and the rise and fall of their shoulders. Their shifty eyes continuing to look at the clock trying to whittle down the time faster.
I stepped out of the room and the principal said that I had done a great job and should be proud of myself. Even though I know he probably said that to everyone, I was proud of myself. I had just done an incredibly stressful and scary thing for me and had succeeded at completing a first interview for a job.

After my interview I had to work 7 hours at Emergency Essentials, and I knew I wouldn't be any help. I tried to keep myself busy. They had told us that if you had received the internship you would receive a call by the end of the night. If not, you would receive a letter in the mail 3 days later.
I couldn't help but jump on facebook while at work to see if anyone had heard back, who had interviews earlier in the day.

The fun began at 4pm.
Facebook posts from all my cohorts friends started flowing in.
"Mrs. ______ will be a 2nd grade teacher at _____", "Mr. ______ will debut this coming fall"
"Mrs_____ can't stop crying she is so happy!"
This continued to flow in until 6pm.
I still hadn't received a phone call and neither had one of my best friends, Rauni.

When 9pm finally rolled around I threw in the towel. I knew I hadn't gotten the internship and you know what? I was sad, but I was relieved! Crazy as it sounds.
I personally, (now others will not agree with my on this because they are just too nice of people *cough cough* "Leah" *cough cough* "Bridgette") 
I personally don't feel like I could have completed an internship well in the internship. I would have been frazzled, uptight, mean, and so under and over my head that I would be crying and having mental and physical breakdowns the whole year. Let's face it: these wonderful people who received internships (who I am so proud of and excited for!!!!) have wanted to be teachers since they first entered their kindergarten classroom. They have the drive, they have the ambition, and they have the past experience.
I have only recently come to the idea of being a teacher, therefore I do not have the philosophy nor the drive to execute being a teacher...yet.
That's why I'm in school, right?!? To become a teacher, to learn HOW to get this drive. To learn HOW to manage a classroom, and HOW to be the best person I can be for those students I WILL have one day.
So, no I did not get the internship, but for very good reason.
No one would want an athlete that isn't prepared to run their race or a doctor who hasn't learned how to perform heart surgery.

I will be a teacher of my own classroom one day, just not this fall. And that is perfectly ok.

Congratulations again to all those lovely people in my cohort who received internships. You guys are going to change the world with your passion, your drive, and your knowledge of the world! I hope that we keep in touch and that our little cohort family will continue throughout ALL of our careers!
Some of you are just starting sooner than others : )

-Brianna