I'm my own worst enemy...

I want you to take a moment and think of a person with this description:

You see them daily

You curse their name frequently

You rarely compliment them

You always point out their faults

You are a bully to them

You have no respect for them

You constantly strive to raise them up but a passing comment from you brings them down

You see them as stupid

You see them as selfish

You see them as cowardice

You see them as not good enough...

Have you guessed it yet?

It's yourself.

It's me. 

I try out for things. 

I love to perform but I can never get past the auditions, to callbacks, on stage. "But you're in a show now.." some would say...well "I don't have any speaking parts do I? I can hide behind my beautiful voice can't I"

But I'll never be THAT character:

Belle...A Christmas Carol...Beauty and the Beast

Sally...You're a Good Man Charlie Brown

Kathy...Singing in the Rain

Dorothy

(I could live without Dorothy) 

I feel every time in my auditions that I'm kicking butt, I have a good voice, I have character...

But...

It's never enough.

I walked out of my audition tonight and suddenly started attacking myself.

Why?

I did my best.

I sang the loudest and most animated I could.

I went out there and literally...gave.my.all.

Will it amount to anything?

Probably not.

Because...

some other girl has worked with the directors before

some other girl has the "in" with the covey center

some other girl is thinner

some other girl has more expression

some other girl has had more experience 

some of other girl sounds like a child

some other girl is just.more.talented.

Yes, I am my own worst critic. 

Yes, I am talented.

Yes, I am so stinking hard on myself.

Yes, I live my life as if today were my last day and every microscopic thing that takes place during the day is life or death. 

Yes. I am my own worst enemy.

Completely irrelevant:
Tard Cat. Love. His. Face.