A Pork Sandwhich and Some Chips

Last Friday I was bombarded with unnecessary doubting thoughts about myself and my abilities. 

The night before I had broken down in Matt's lap and cried like a little girl for a straight hour. 

I felt inadequate. I felt distressed. I felt alone.

I left school and could feel the emotions bubbling up.

I called Matt's phone expecting an answering machine where I could vent my feelings for few minutes...

He answered this time and I couldn't stop the sobs that rose out of my throat.

I described my feelings of feeling inadequate and unsure why I was putting myself through this education program when I was no good at it.

He listened, consoled, and loved just like the A-star husband he is.

Then he reminded me of the revelation I had received, personally, from my Heavenly Father.

Last summer I had the opportunity to spend of summer serving the Lord as a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo, Illinois.

This summer changed my life.

It prepared me for marriage to the man of my dreams.

Encouraged me to take a step in the dark to be in the Elementary Ed program.

It showed me who I was able to be and who I can be, if I choose to be.

One day in the summer I was walking back to the visitor's center with my companion and a thought struck me like a bleeding lighting bolt. 

"You need to go to into the Elementary Education program when you get home"

....uh ok?

If you didn't know, I have pushed the thought of being a teacher out of my little head and body since the dawn of time. 

You know those times in school where they asked you what you wanted to be when you grow up.

I never wanted to be a teacher, ever.

I would probably have rather have some horrible done to me than be a teacher.

But I received a prompting and I went with it.

6 weeks into the program and I'm dying/I'm doing fine. 

I feel this program has made me a pre-bi-polar nut.

Matt has had to deal with more breakdowns than I'm sure he ever thought he would have to.

As the phone call continued Matt spoke to me softly and assured me again that God loves me.

God knows me.

God knows what is best for me.

The last thing he said to me before hanging up to get back to work

"Remember Brianna babe, the only three people you have to worry about is yourself, me, and God."

I love my husband. Really. 

I thoughtfully stewed over what Matt said at work, while trying to slow my breathing so I wouldn't break down into sobs in front of customer. 

I did well and soon I was happy and onward to a go-lucky woman.

Still I felt a hole in my heart that hadn't been filled yet.

I needed food.

I love food. 

Food is comfort.

Comfort food within moderation.

For dinner I got a Pulled Pork Sandwhich, Homemade Mac & Cheese, with Lays Potato Chips

I have a salt tooth, not a sweet tooth.

It hit the spot and I instantly knew that I could make it through.

One day at a time would be the way to do it.

Breathing.

Prioritizing.

and 

Believing in myself

and

Remembering that God loves me, knows me, and knows what is best for me.