Happy Birthday Matt

Yesterday was my husband's 25th birthday.
If he had 100 jelly beans, he would have eaten 25 of them.
If he was born a day later, he would still be 25.
I don't know here I'm going with this.
Basically, I am SO grateful he was born to his parents 25 years ago and now I had the opporutnity of being married to him and get to over-the-charts spoil him, at least, once a year.

This year we decided to go to dinner at La Jolla Groves, down in Riverwoods, where I presented him with a few Cd's he had been wanting and the new stars trek movie!
The food was delicious, as was the company.

 We get this bruchetta everytime, and as Matt says "This food fills me with Joy!"

 The CUTEST birthday boy around, man he is dashing, isn't he?

 The lovely cake, box cake is the best!

 We invited some friends of our, The Bellamy's, to come and play a new game Matt received for his birthday. It was SO much fun. We may or not have stayed up playing another round until 2am. 

Thanks Bellamy's! 

A wonderful light show all for my husband who deserves all the happiness every year of his life. 

Happy birthday darling man, can't wait to celebrate every year of your birthday and life.
You are so special and such a wonderful individual and teach me things every. single. day. without fail.

Happy Birthday Handsome. 

Progress...so far.

18 weeks 

 20 weeks 

21 weeks 

All About Me Date

A few weeks ago I was feeling "down and out" about everything, so Matt decided to plan a day doing things only I wanted to do.
I went along with it, hoping it would cheer my mood and get me out of the slump I had written about previously.
Basically, we went and shot stuff, because that's what we do :)

Heading onto the freeway

Cruising down towards Silver City, Utah.

Matt setting up targets

The beasty guns

There were some really fun structures around, that kind of *nerd moment* had a Star Wars Cantina feel

Matt's grandmother's gun, which I have fallen in love. I'm a pretty good shot, not to brag or anything.

Ear Protection is a must, as is shooting with your love.

That is pure concentration people

 This is the exit wound. 

 It was a wonderful day, full o bullets, time with my husband, and just forgetting about all that needed to be done. I'm so glad that Matt had the intuition to know I needed a break, with just him and I. This was a much needed Stay-cation. Love him.

The debut of gender...

Matt and I have had a lot going or us this past or so and I haven't had an ounce of time to just sit down and write about what has been going on.
Last Sunday for instance, we had the opportunity to have a "Gender Reveal" party with friends and family announcing the gender of our soon-to-be baby.

It all started on October 18th when we had our 20 week ultrasound.
I was a nervous wreck as Matt and I walked over to the OBGYN, which is less than a block away from our house. Many what-if questions were running through my head, just about as fast as my mouth was moving to keep me from throwing up.
Within 5 minutes of us checking in, they were prepared and walked us back to the room with the Ultrasound machine. I was asked to pull down my pants to my hips so that my growing belly was open and a clean slate or the Sonar that would be dealt through my body to take images of our growing baby.
It was an amazing experience, to say the least.
We saw, for the first time, our child. It was breathtaking. I really can't even find the words that can describe the feelings of awe I was experiencing. We saw the head, nose, mouth, spine, kidney's, beating heart, and little toes. Even now, it blows my mind that there is a living, growing human in my stomach.
It really is the miracle of life, isn't it?
Here are few pictures from the Ultrasound:

 All laid up, ready for display!

 Look at those ribs and toes!!!

 These are the arms, folded gently across the belly.

And the legs, one of which is draped over the other. 

After the Ultrasound we took the gender Ultrasound photo to Macey's grocery to get the "gender color" into filled cupcakes to later consume on Sunday night. 

We both kept jumping back and forth, trying to figure whether we were having a boy or having a girl. I had a dream about having a girl and a boy (haha, twins) and Matt had one where he was holding a girl. 

Finally, Sunday night arrived and we had quite the turnout of supportive friends and family, who were able to share in this exciting news with us, and also get free cupcakes! 

 Some dear friends; Tracy, Ashleigh, and Sarah

 Jeremy, Sariah, and Blue

 Rachel and Kevin, plus Tiffany and Cameron (who are expecting a baby girl any day now!)

 My mom and Wendy 

The whole group, a few had to leave early but we were so happy for their support. 

And thank goodness for technology! My brother James, who lives in Colorado and my father, who lives in Florida were able to be on Google Plus and take part in the reveal also. 

I loved that, that had worked out. 

Matt and I are pretty stoked, almost about the take a bite of our cupcake.

and....

It's a boy! 

March 2013, we will welcome a boy into our little family

And as I finish this, little boy is jumping around in my stomach. 

He moves in my belly just about as much as his dad tosses and turns in bed. 

They are ALREADY too much alike. 

I'm so excited (as I know quite well Matt is) that we get the opportunity to have a little Matt running around. 

Man this little kid is going to be spoiled. 

A side I haven't seen before

Disclosure: Now, before I jump the gun I just wanted to say that I am happy, this is just a blog of thoughts culminating these last few weeks and the feelings I have been having.

These last few weeks have been less than wonderful. I think for the first time in my life I really had a look into what people with depression deal with for their whole lives, and it stinks. I am so sorry if you have to battle with those painful, degrading, and just bad emotions constantly, without release.
The last couple weeks I felt down, out, and just plain sad for no reason.
I was constantly irritated with people, people who I frankly love and adore and just couldn't take their personalities for whatever reason.
I couldn't get out of bed, and when I did I felt like doing nothing but sitting and watching the new seasons of Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, and The Office in my PJ's. Could I do that? No. But I did when I wasn't at work or at school.
There were times that I couldn't imagine going and facing people. Why did I have to go to work and cater to other people's needs, when my own personal ones were not being met. I was a wreck and couldn't figure out why.
With comedy on my mind, I wanted to blame it on our baby...but I knew that wasn't right. Sure it could be a composite of mommy hormones and just me being pathetic, or could be weather depression from the changing seasons.
Whatever it was, wasn't fun.
Whatever it was is gone now.
Whatever it was may come back, but for now I am paying for the days that I spent doing nothing, but it's ok because I'm back on track.

Now here are some fantastic videos which I think "secretly" have helped me out of my slump, just because of the amazing happiness and grins that come across my face.

 I thought it funny, but hopefully not actually what happens when I finally graduated

 Last, but not least, a super cute sleepy kitty. Now I must get ready for work.

 

Dear Baby

Hi sweetheart,
Today I could clearly feel your hand or foot pushing on my pelvic bone and bladder. It reminded me, that amid the slight weight gain there is a baby in there too...which is the reason I have to constantly go to the bathroom. :)
It's fun to think that we will be able to pick out a name for you next weekend when we find out your gender, even though you have known what you are for weeks.
I hope you have enough room in there and that I am feeding you the right things, I'm always curious about how you react to certain foods and whether you have a favorite or not.
Yesterday your dad and I were talking about you; about the little toes you'll have and small fingers, and squishy cheeks. We really cannot wait to have you here.
I'll have you know that I have finally gained 5 pounds since my last doctor's appointment, which puts me at the pregnancy weight I should be at, which hopefully means you are getting the nutrition you need and a nice layer of fat for padding, haha.
Both dad and I are extremely excited to see you on the monitor this Friday, we still can't believe that Friday will mark halfway! 20 weeks down, 20 to go until we get to really be your parents, right now we are really taking a passive approach.
I hope you already feel the love that we both have for you.
We think about you often and we can't wait to see your little face and growing body on Friday.

Love Mom and Dad

Remembering what matters most

Even as I wrote the title for this page I knew that emotions were close to the surface.
Just as my last post said, I have been feeling incredibly overwhelmed and less than great these past couple days. I could make a funny statement and say I blame it on the pregnancy hormones, or to say that I just haven't had enough sleep. But what it really boils down to though is not trying. I haven't been myself because I haven't been trying to be myself.
Although my lethargic attitude towards life may have something to do with pregnancy hormones (fatigue is the worst, but worth it) I know that it's me not being as pro-active as I usually am.
As I was lying in bed this morning I was thinking about everything that I truly am blessed with and there are so many things. I know this is the month of scary, frightening, and halloween garb but I want to focus on the things that really do make my life great.

The one I want to focus on is my husband.
What would I did without this sweet man in my life? I wouldn't be the person I am today. Three years ago I was a completely different person. A person filled with so much regret and a mistake ridden life that she never thought she could be someone worth loving. Matt came home from his mission and that all changed. Suddenly I could see my worth as a woman and daughter of God because of the love that he showed me. Everyday, even now, he treats me as the most important thing in his life. I have yet to be able to return the favor for how special he makes me feel. I don't know what my life would be life without him. He is my rock and my absolute comfort (aside of the holy spirit). He is my team player and my biggest fan and I love him eternally and dearly. He is the reason I try so hard at being who I am. And he is the reason that I can keep going even amid the fatigue and necessary stresses. I love him and I always will. Forever and ever.

A good shoulder

My husband has a good shoulder.
It is strong, wide, and soaks up the tears on days when life seems as gloomy as the raining days of fall.

Recently life has been overwhelming. I have come to realize the responsibilities, instead of becoming less and less, are stacking on top of one another as life continues.
As we grow older, we have more to do and less time to do it.
And life seems more complicated with less time to think about the good things and more time to think about stuff needing to be done.

Thankfully this weekend is Fall Break for UVU students, which include myself. I have the opportunity to slow down, take my time, and just relax and reboot myself. I still have responsibilities like work, bills, and cleaning house, but I can take my time. I can breathe in the musky rain smell that seeps from the cracked windows and cozy on up to my husband. My kitty also helps, wanting to cuddle and be held more than usual. I think she can tell that I've been a little down.

Now, although life is a little overwhelming, I'm still in love with it.
I have so much to be grateful and not enough time or words to express the magnitude of gratitude I have for the blessings I have received.
I will say this:
My husband has one good shoulder, which I'm glad I can take advantage of everyday.