I have had the painful opportunity of having something I wrote thrown back in my face. Something that in all but one ways was a lie, an exaggeration, a let lose of all my anxiety and worries. Unfortunately it contained people that shouldn't have been it..who I was projecting my worries and anxieties on them, as the problem...which they weren't. They just happen to be an easy target to throw everything on...inside my head.
I wrote about it, at the wrong time and I wrote about it...bad.
... and, understandably paid the price.
Feel like the largest, fattest jerk alive.
I've lost the trust and respect of a few people, a feeling I never thought I'd have to endure.
It hurts, a lot.
But I know I hurt them more. It was out of character what I did and was unethical, stupid, childish, and unwarranted.
For that I am sorry.
For everything that said, I am sorry.
I was being brash, assuming everything I could, and seeking out the fault in everyone and everything I came in contact with that day. It took a turn to the left and straight across my face...I've never felt so down before.
I stinks because it was all my fault.
I got myself here.
I am the bad guy.
I am the one who decided to make that stupid decision that could cost me.
I am the one who decided to back stab a friend.
I am the one who decided to not think of the consequences that could follow the actions I took.
I really do learn the hard way.
Sometimes falling flat on your face, seeing only the pavement between your eyes and the sun beating down your retina's is the only way sense can be knocked into your flimsy head.
I'm an idiot.
I should really think before I do, and open my dang mouth and speak what I'm thinking instead of voicing it elsewhere.
....
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1 comment:
Don't dwell on it. Learn, but don't dwell. Learn and move on, being better than you were before. That's why these things happen -- to teach us and help us grow so we can be who we are to be.
<3
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