A turn of a events, Faith and Counsel

In my last blog post it was a mess of crying, whining, and the unknown. I was in a position where I felt I had let my husband down, I had known from the get go that I had more school debt than Matt had left on his car. I had school debt not because I took those loans out when I needed it, but only because I thought it would be cool to have an extra amount of money for the school year. Not to pay for school books but for food, rent, and just having a good time... I know it was dumb and I really don't know why I was that stupid and immature to think it was ok but the past is the past, but the past now accompanies me in the future with almost 10,000 in school debt.

I have for the past 5 years of school received financial aid from the government, fafsa has been a great help for me to take my time in figuring out what I was wanting to do. For those of you who don't know, I have been in school this fall for 5 years, I know now what major I will be graduating in. By the time I receive my diploma I will have been in school 7 years, been through 4 majors, had 5 boyfriends, gotten married, and accumulated 10,000 dollars of school debt of which only about 2,000 was necessary.

This last Wednesday I had finished all my fafsa paperwork and was waiting (quite impatiently) for the results from the school of how much I would or would not be receiving. I had called the school that morning at work basically pleading for them to manually punch in my numbers so that I would be able to figure out what I needed to do if I did not receive it. (Even though I had secretly been hoping that even though I was up to my limit that I would receive the full amount regardless of my stupidity the first three years of school) They said that their were only two counselors imputing the information for thousands of students and that the information would be up before tuition was due, which in the 15th.

I went through work only thinking about school and basically emotionally driving my mind insane with the waiting. That evening when I got home I was so anxious that I decided to check on my uvlink (student portal for information) in the financial aid menu to see if there had been any improvements. There had been, I looked at my portal and I went to my awards and there were 5500 waiting for me to accept. WHAT!!! Oh my gosh! I had received it all! What a relief .....then I started reading where the money would be coming from, a subsidized loan from the school with a 3 percent interest rate. Oh no. The tears came, I couldn't breathe and I became almost hysterical (poor Matt) I knew that it would be horrible to take our yet another loan (even though this one would be a necessary one) and just add to the already large sum I owe for an education I had not yet received...so to spare Matt from my tears and regret I went for a drive and cried myself to my friend Rauni's house where we talked about the necessities and the opportunities that we have to even take out loans that we will be able to pay back in due time, especially after we have a better job than 9/hr. 

I drove home feeling better with the decision of taking a loan out.
When I got home, Matt said that we should wait a few days and see if anything else came up and if not that is would be best to take the loan. He too talked about that there is necessary debt; first home, first car, and your education. I was paying for the third, and I was ok, he also said he would love me always no matter my choice. Even if our only choice was the loan.

The next day I was still feeling a bit bummed about the loan and I was being a horrible person and doubting God and his ability to help me when I was praying and begging him for the fafsa to go through. Matt and I had plans to have loans pays off for the car and the ring...but now with another loan what was I going to do...what was our family going to do...It would take years to pay off that much money.

I came home and had a feeling to check my uvlink one more time to accept the loan and just get on with the fact that I would have to pay that mass amount of money back. I clicked on the awards section of my financial aid menu and there was another amount of money, right below the loan...I had received financial aid...I started to cry, again. I couldn't believe that I had doubted God so much in such a short turn of events. He had granted me this saving blessing, money that I wouldn't have to pay back, money that I would in other ways use towards our family, our home, and our future. I continued to cry and in my head thanked my God for his awareness of me and my family. For his love, guidance and all watching eye. He had tested me and he had tested me well. He tested me in a way that he knew would effect me. I now want to work my hardest to show him that I appreciate this gift. I want to work harder in school than I ever have before ( I have always have a tendency to be a bit on the lazy side) and for the first time in my school career I am shooting for a 4.0, of which I have never graced the surface of.

The Lord God has shown me grace and love, I can do better in a lot of aspects of life. 1. I need to have more faith that he knows what he is doing 2. I need to be more patient and wait for things to happen in his time. 3. I need to listen to my husband's counsel, he is always right and knows exactly what to say.

Good things come when you put trust in the Lord and listen to the counsel of your husband.