As long as you'll have me...I'm Yours

My husband, do you know who he is? 
He is amazing. I have been reading texts, quotes, and letters written by him throughout our dating and married time and it still amazes me how much this man loves me. He loves me so much and often I take his love for granted. He has always wanted me to reach a potential he saw deep down inside.

At the beginning of our dating I was broken, sad, and down on myself constantly. I didn't see the good within myself because of mistakes I had made in the past which my mind kept whispering in my ear that they defined who I was. He always has told me different, he has always seen who I would become, who I needed to be, and where that would lead me. He has always helped me get out of ruts, he has always held me when my life didn't seem worth it, he has always loved me from the start, never wavering..ever. The only reason we took a three month hiatus was because I felt "I needed it"...to "find myself" ...to "figure out my relationship with God". Those three months were the worst three months of my life and the whole time I was beating myself up for letting go of the one person on this earth who loved me more than I could ever comprehend.

As we continued dating I had an idea to go on a 3month service mission for my church to Nauvoo, IL. I would be there for 3months with no cell phone, internet, and all way of communication would be held through letters. He wrote me diligently as often as he remembered, as did I. He even came out to see me, he drove from Utah to Illinois for me and ate all MRE's and parked in run down walmart's to come and see me in something we both knew was important to me. He came which meant more to me that year besides getting engaged to him a few months later. Seeing him there defined my want to marry him. I wanted to be with this man for eternity and longer if God permitted.

After I got home from my mission, everything fell into place. We got in engaged, we made wedding plans and in April we were married for all time and eternity in the Mt. Timponogus Temple in American Fork. It was a day that will forever be held high in my memory. I cried numerous times that down out of complete and utter joy. I was now married to the man to I could have only dreamed of a few years before. He fought for me and I fought for him and love won.

I know this post is a little out of the ordinary but I have been taken over with feelings of gratitude for the man that I now share a life with. He is the one that I can see my family growing with and he is the one that continually makes sure I am being the best I can be. He never once makes me feel unloved, he is compassionate, so very patient, loving, stalwart, incredibly talented, amazing and the pure essence of incredible. Everyday more than we are married I see more and more things that I love about him, I learn more and I am grateful that I can continue to learn more about him. He is so complicated, yet so simple and humble. He has character, strength and is the mortar to my cracks. He completes me. He is and always will be my love.

As long as you'll have me, I'm Yours.

Who says...

Dear anyone, 

Dear someone, 

Dear you,

You are beautiful.
You are loved.
You are special.
You are true.
You are wonderful.

Who can say you aren't special?

Who can say you aren't worth it?

Who can say you aren't able to do it?

Who can say you can't change? 

Who can say you're not capable?

You are genuine.

You are lovely.

You are individual.

You are unique. 

You are worth it. 

Don't judge. I like her music, and this song.

DownEast Basics Giveaway!

So there is this fantastic giveaway from DownEast Basics, 500 dollar shopping spree before school starts! Seriously? Wow, that would be a amazing to have seeing as I haven't gotten to buy "real" new clothes (not that D.I. and Savers don't count) since I can't even remember. Boy it would be nice to get a couple outfits that fit perfectly and have only been worn by me, except of course people trying them on in the store which I can understand fully.

One of the ways to get more entries was to write a blog post about the giveaway and here I have. If you would like to enter the giveaway yourself go to: DownEast Basics Giveaway (just click there). It will give you all the details and if you end up winning instead of myself, more power to you! But i wouldn't mind an early christmas present. ;)

SO Cute....sigh.

A turn of a events, Faith and Counsel

In my last blog post it was a mess of crying, whining, and the unknown. I was in a position where I felt I had let my husband down, I had known from the get go that I had more school debt than Matt had left on his car. I had school debt not because I took those loans out when I needed it, but only because I thought it would be cool to have an extra amount of money for the school year. Not to pay for school books but for food, rent, and just having a good time... I know it was dumb and I really don't know why I was that stupid and immature to think it was ok but the past is the past, but the past now accompanies me in the future with almost 10,000 in school debt.

I have for the past 5 years of school received financial aid from the government, fafsa has been a great help for me to take my time in figuring out what I was wanting to do. For those of you who don't know, I have been in school this fall for 5 years, I know now what major I will be graduating in. By the time I receive my diploma I will have been in school 7 years, been through 4 majors, had 5 boyfriends, gotten married, and accumulated 10,000 dollars of school debt of which only about 2,000 was necessary.

This last Wednesday I had finished all my fafsa paperwork and was waiting (quite impatiently) for the results from the school of how much I would or would not be receiving. I had called the school that morning at work basically pleading for them to manually punch in my numbers so that I would be able to figure out what I needed to do if I did not receive it. (Even though I had secretly been hoping that even though I was up to my limit that I would receive the full amount regardless of my stupidity the first three years of school) They said that their were only two counselors imputing the information for thousands of students and that the information would be up before tuition was due, which in the 15th.

I went through work only thinking about school and basically emotionally driving my mind insane with the waiting. That evening when I got home I was so anxious that I decided to check on my uvlink (student portal for information) in the financial aid menu to see if there had been any improvements. There had been, I looked at my portal and I went to my awards and there were 5500 waiting for me to accept. WHAT!!! Oh my gosh! I had received it all! What a relief .....then I started reading where the money would be coming from, a subsidized loan from the school with a 3 percent interest rate. Oh no. The tears came, I couldn't breathe and I became almost hysterical (poor Matt) I knew that it would be horrible to take our yet another loan (even though this one would be a necessary one) and just add to the already large sum I owe for an education I had not yet received...so to spare Matt from my tears and regret I went for a drive and cried myself to my friend Rauni's house where we talked about the necessities and the opportunities that we have to even take out loans that we will be able to pay back in due time, especially after we have a better job than 9/hr. 

I drove home feeling better with the decision of taking a loan out.
When I got home, Matt said that we should wait a few days and see if anything else came up and if not that is would be best to take the loan. He too talked about that there is necessary debt; first home, first car, and your education. I was paying for the third, and I was ok, he also said he would love me always no matter my choice. Even if our only choice was the loan.

The next day I was still feeling a bit bummed about the loan and I was being a horrible person and doubting God and his ability to help me when I was praying and begging him for the fafsa to go through. Matt and I had plans to have loans pays off for the car and the ring...but now with another loan what was I going to do...what was our family going to do...It would take years to pay off that much money.

I came home and had a feeling to check my uvlink one more time to accept the loan and just get on with the fact that I would have to pay that mass amount of money back. I clicked on the awards section of my financial aid menu and there was another amount of money, right below the loan...I had received financial aid...I started to cry, again. I couldn't believe that I had doubted God so much in such a short turn of events. He had granted me this saving blessing, money that I wouldn't have to pay back, money that I would in other ways use towards our family, our home, and our future. I continued to cry and in my head thanked my God for his awareness of me and my family. For his love, guidance and all watching eye. He had tested me and he had tested me well. He tested me in a way that he knew would effect me. I now want to work my hardest to show him that I appreciate this gift. I want to work harder in school than I ever have before ( I have always have a tendency to be a bit on the lazy side) and for the first time in my school career I am shooting for a 4.0, of which I have never graced the surface of.

The Lord God has shown me grace and love, I can do better in a lot of aspects of life. 1. I need to have more faith that he knows what he is doing 2. I need to be more patient and wait for things to happen in his time. 3. I need to listen to my husband's counsel, he is always right and knows exactly what to say.

Good things come when you put trust in the Lord and listen to the counsel of your husband.

Good always follows...

Today:

I walked to work while reading "The Hobbit"

I worked for 8 hours straight, no break, but received a free sandwich from "Jimmy Johns"

I came home

My financial aid didn't go through meaning no free money

I have to take out a 5500 dollar loan for school

I freaked out, had a melt down and cried

I cried in the car and drove up into Orem

Talked with Matt on the phone while driving and crying about necessary debt

I was hysterical so I wasn't listening

I cried at Rauni's house

I complained about debt and how I shouldn't be in it

I cried some more

I started to feel better, who knew crying was such a release?

We talked about necessary debt

Spoken by a prophet of God, necessary debt is your first home, first car, and education

I have two years left of school till I finally graduate with a bachelor's

Will it have taken me almost 100 percent longer than the "ordinary" student in America?

Yes. 

Will I have a degree is something I will be good at?

Yes.

Who cares if it took me longer.

Who cares it I'm going to have debt.

Debt gets paid off.

The atonement teaches that.

Debt is a reminder to us to keep working hard, to keep asserting ourselves, and to give back for then we owe. 

It's a Christ-like lesson.

Christ gave everything and still gives more.

I take a small amount and am required to give more

I think debt is a way to remind ourselves of what is important. 

Education is important, I would not take away any of the years I've had in school. 

They have taught and exposed me to things I wouldn't have thought to do myself. 

It's a good thing, it's happening in the right time.

God has a plan. Where's my faith?

Even in the hardness of life there needs to be faith, just as there needs to be faith in the easy times. 

God wants to help, but he can only help if we believe he can help. 

God knows where he wants to take me, I just have to let him take the reigns

Good always follows when we trust in the Lord. 

 

 

M.C. the M.C.

For those who don't know my husband very well he is amazingly funny, especially when he has an audience. Even if the audience is only his camera.

While I was in Nauvoo last summer, Matt, being the sweetheart he is, came to see me. While on his way out to Nauvoo he stopped at these random state landmarks that no one knows about besides those who live there...like arches...oh wait.

Here is one of those times where he stopped along the way and with his commentary this video is the best.
Enjoy.

If Sarah can do it...

SOMETIMES
...I get weirdly excited about seeing my husband after work. That's the only time of day I "try" and get my bike to go its absolute fastest. If you saw me careening down the orem/provo hill I'm sure you'd be scared for my well being.

...I feel overwhelmed with gratitude when I read little messages from friends in the past that I have forgotten about or place in the recesses of my mind. It is wonderful knowing that I meant something to these people at one point in their lives.

...I can't stop thinking about financial aid, babies, and different types of food I can be daring and make.

...I just want to fit, happy, and non judgmental

...I am kind of a bad person and speak ill of others for the heck of it. I have a sad gossip bone that is slowly dissolving but is still there is moments of weakness, it does get smaller every passing day though.

...I wish I could go back three years and start college again, knowing what I'm doing. Not take out an student loans, have gotten into BYU, and just in general worked harder. (But then I stop and realize everything I have chosen to do has gotten me to where I am now. I don't know where my life would be if those things were different and I don't want to know. I love my life)

...I  (still) just don't understand the allure of talking bad about men. The majority really are good fella's and just because you had a bad date or he doesn't want to date you doesn't mean that he should be condemned. I know this is coming from an old married lady (3 months!) but she was once dating around too.

...I can't believe how close I am to becoming completely self reliant (along with my husband) ...aside from student loans we will have a majority of our debt paid off at the end of a year!

...I strongly consider spending a lot of money on clothes, clothes and clothes...but that's a dream. Do I have money for clothes? hahahahahah I laugh in your face and even if I did I'd rather buy bread and eggs to make hollandaise sauce.

If you want, try this yourself (even if you've done it before). Just copy and paste the bolded areas and fill in your "sometimes."

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