2 1/2 months

If it seems like I'm counting up from the wedding day I'm not. I just get these needs to write about what I am experiencing and it happens to be 2 1/2 months in.

Things I have learned about being married in the last 80 days or so: 

(The hyphenated lines are my thoughts)

1. Marriage is Hard

-But it is worth it

2. Marriage is a game of give and take

-Should be more give

3. Money is to be put towards you as a couples well being

- Not towards frivolous  "I need to do something cause I'm so bored" moments (you'll live)

4. Marriage is the longest thing we will do on this earth

- Why then fret about getting everything done in the next month or year?

5. Marriage is about learning to love or at least like what the other person finds dear

-Do better at this, it is not hard to open your mind to new things

6. As a couple you need to truly care for, about, and be prepared to not get what you think you need

-When in reality you are the one keeping the other down or away from what they need

(Do Better) 

7. Marriage is not just about sex, it is about loving the other person, caring for them, making them a sandwich in the morning before they go to work. It is making sure they are ok in their life. It is being there when they want to talk about something in their day and it is the other's responsibility to listen attentively and really listen to what they are saying. It is about cleaning for the sake that you love the other, that you want them to live in a clean space that will be a haven and a place where the spirit can dwell. It is about helping the other become better and never pointing out their bad qualities; unless they ask. It is about seeing the best, not the worst. It is about saying kind things about the other and not things like "you're a dork" "you're a nerd" "well sir jerk-a-lot" ...etc. It is about loving them, it is about being with them and not being a jerk yourself...

Like I have been recently 

Confession Time.

I have been the lousiest jerk of a wife for the past few weeks. I have been selfish, unkind, and unrelenting in thinking subconsciously that everything is about me...if I'm not happy he shouldn't be happy. That is not the right foundation to build a marriage on. I need to do better, I can do better.

 I am not this type of person. 

I love Matthew Call more than I ever thought I could love anyone, he in the reason I go to work, he is the reason I get up in the morning, he is the reason I am continuing education, he is the reason I want so many kids, he is the reason I got to the temple to be married, he is the reason for me still believing in myself, he is the reason why I still have a testimony, he is the reason that I clean the kitchen, he in the reason I do the dishes, he in the reason for every good thing in my life at this moment. He makes me stronger and regardless of me having a "dark side", a past, remorse for things I've done, the person I sometimes am on a daily basis..he still loves me. 

He loves me so much and I repay him with spite and ignorant name calling. 

I love him. I do.
I love him so much.

 I'm sorry heaven and earth for the way I have been treating him. 

I hope that in some cosmic way that this post will bring about some change in the way I've been acting.