Thinking about myself

I walked up to the doorway and said something I would like to change, I said that I needed it this way and then walked away as if what I said didn't matter. He asked me what I meant. I said that I think that life is boring, that I have no short term goals, he asks me again what is wrong and I shut down.

I realized today why I think the way I do. I get a spontaneous thought and just need to say it, out loud and to a human being. Not any human being either, but my husband the poor thing. He has had to listen to me be down on myself every month around the same time, during a womanly cycle. Poor thing again. He is so kind and loves me so much that over the time that we have been together he has tried to fix the things I whine about myself to him about, when really all I wanted to do was say it and then drop it.

I realized that today. Ladies and Gentlemen, you learn something new about yourself, your husband, and the way you see the world everyday. We continue to learn how we communicate and if we are able to hold our own and discuss what really is bothering us. This is an epiphany that I believe Matt and I have been waiting for me to come to for ages it seems. I have two different tracks when thinking comes through my brain, 1. Is the subject matter that is desperately important, "I need you to sit down and listen" important while 2. is just me talking, talking about life, things I haven't fulfilled and things that I need to work at.

Epiphanies are a tender mercy from God, yes yes they are.

I now think this would be interesting to fill out at 12:13 am when I can't fall asleep. 

Got this from a friend's blog (read her here)

Thinking about: Andrew's Endowment Session on Tuesday

Listening to: The fan blowing air into our 92 degree apartment

Planning on: making some short and long term goals 

Excited for: not sure

Worried about: If I've chosen the right major

Happy about: my husband being who he is and our new calling

Thankful for: Air conditioning...when we get it

Upset about: how down I get on myself occasionally

Amazed over: the stories people can write and the words they articulate

Smell like: sweat...like I said it's hot in our apartment

Preparing for: not sure yet...haven't made any goals

Surprised about: my hip socket not hurting anymore and my blisters not popping

Praying for: general life, I need to be more specific

Look like: I'll be a bit tired tomorrow morning, but I will live

Obsessing over: nothing right now, besides food, always food

Really wanting: sleep, please come

Feeling like: my eyes should be falling out my socket from lack of sleep

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....