Marriage!

...already for 2 months! Life is going to be great if every time I look down at my ring and say, "Dang I'm so glad i'm married to him"

Truth.

2 weeks of horrible

These last two weeks have been a doosey for me.

I broke two glasses from our wedding.

I broke one 12 pack Mt. Dew box, spewing sugar drink all over the just mopped floor.

I stop of computer dump on Matt's computer and messed up windows completely and had to take it in to get windows re-stalled for a whopping 160 dollars.

We thought that all his music had been lost on account of my stupidity. 

I split my toe nail right down the middle.

I received two blisters from a 14 mile hike on saturday, both on the balls of my feet

I tried to pay all the bills and missed one and now we have a 100 dollar late fee. 

I could have been having air conditioning but was too prideful to ask for help. 

I said somethings to a friend of mine that may have been to opinionated and I assumed too much. 

To assume is to make an a** out of u (you) and me...

I made a huge a** out of myself for the past two weeks...

and really it's only been a week and a half ..I wonder what else is going to happen. 

Thinking about myself

I walked up to the doorway and said something I would like to change, I said that I needed it this way and then walked away as if what I said didn't matter. He asked me what I meant. I said that I think that life is boring, that I have no short term goals, he asks me again what is wrong and I shut down.

I realized today why I think the way I do. I get a spontaneous thought and just need to say it, out loud and to a human being. Not any human being either, but my husband the poor thing. He has had to listen to me be down on myself every month around the same time, during a womanly cycle. Poor thing again. He is so kind and loves me so much that over the time that we have been together he has tried to fix the things I whine about myself to him about, when really all I wanted to do was say it and then drop it.

I realized that today. Ladies and Gentlemen, you learn something new about yourself, your husband, and the way you see the world everyday. We continue to learn how we communicate and if we are able to hold our own and discuss what really is bothering us. This is an epiphany that I believe Matt and I have been waiting for me to come to for ages it seems. I have two different tracks when thinking comes through my brain, 1. Is the subject matter that is desperately important, "I need you to sit down and listen" important while 2. is just me talking, talking about life, things I haven't fulfilled and things that I need to work at.

Epiphanies are a tender mercy from God, yes yes they are.

I now think this would be interesting to fill out at 12:13 am when I can't fall asleep. 

Got this from a friend's blog (read her here)

Thinking about: Andrew's Endowment Session on Tuesday

Listening to: The fan blowing air into our 92 degree apartment

Planning on: making some short and long term goals 

Excited for: not sure

Worried about: If I've chosen the right major

Happy about: my husband being who he is and our new calling

Thankful for: Air conditioning...when we get it

Upset about: how down I get on myself occasionally

Amazed over: the stories people can write and the words they articulate

Smell like: sweat...like I said it's hot in our apartment

Preparing for: not sure yet...haven't made any goals

Surprised about: my hip socket not hurting anymore and my blisters not popping

Praying for: general life, I need to be more specific

Look like: I'll be a bit tired tomorrow morning, but I will live

Obsessing over: nothing right now, besides food, always food

Really wanting: sleep, please come

Feeling like: my eyes should be falling out my socket from lack of sleep

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

To be done tomorrow...

Ab workout (http://2012lastfatyear.blogspot.com/2012/01/300-challenge-ab-core-workout.html)
Scripture reading
Temple attendance
Friend sighting
Lots of water
Feed my body
Sleep great

Early Morning

Can I just take a moment to say how great the morning is? 

Can I take a moment to say how great the morning is when you're married to the man of your dreams?

Can I take a moment to say that those moments where he snuggles up to you and you can breathe in all that he is and remember that you can be with him forever brings soft tears to your eyes.

Can I take a moment to say that the morning is my favorite part of the day.

Getting ready, slowly moving, and just taking in the moment of pure bliss. 

Even with an alarm chirping its way into your dreams, if you turn it off you get a few more seconds of quiet memory building moments with the one you love. 

God designed marriage to be lovely, and lovely it is. 

Epiphany, yes.

So I haven't written in awhile about anything.  

I haven't been that busy, my schedule consists of sleeping and working.

I have been enjoying being married though, i'll be honest...

best thing I've ever done. 

Marriage is something that I never thought could happen to me, 

especially with the person I ended up marrying. 

He was the guy that was my friend even though I was a nerd beyond words,

dorky, unkempt, and just socially awkward.

He was the one that was waiting for me to say I liked him,

he gave me countless opportunities to say something so it could move forward.

I was scared. 

He left on a mission.

He came back. 

I was single and so was he. 

Almost 2 1/2 years later we were married. 

I am married for all time and eternity to Matt Call, the person I could only dream about.

I am a wife, sometime (in the not near future) going to be a mom, a parent,

with him. 

How can life get any sweeter? 

So catch up time, if you still read this blog you are saint, and if not by golly i'm still going to write things down. I have come to a realization, thanks to a dear friend Sarah, that it doesn't matter what other people think about your life, what you write, what you are doing, and who are being. If life isn't happiness to you, than change it. If the way you write isn't who you are, then change it. To directly quote her blog: 

"Worry less about how your life looks to others and more about how your life feels to you."

I  follow 86 blogs. 86 blogs written by people telling about their lives, their amazing lives surrounded by pregnancies, food, love, joy and new experiences. I take time everyday before bed or in the early morning hours before work to go through each individual one (I know crazy) and read about the excitement that is taking place. 

I am jealous at times of what they write. I am jealous for the people they are and the ability that they have to be so open and so honest with the way they write. I wish I could would be like that. I would love to come on here and write how I feel, uncensored and unafraid of what people would think. 

For one thing, whoever you are who is reading this, you may not know that I swear in my head often or even sometimes under my breath.

Me, Brianna (now) Call swears. 

Not often, but it happens occasionally...usually in stressful situations or when no other word can fill the passion that comes bursting out. 

It is a release, even though mostly inside my head or down on the pages of my journal that I can't explain. 

If I don't write the word down on paper that is in my head I feel as though i'm not being true to who I am, or what I am needing to say. 

Let's be honest, whatever I write here or in my journal someone may read but it's not going to make a lasting impression on them and if it did then that would be news to me.

My words are jumbled, much like my thoughts are when they are spoken out loud. 

My sentences are disgruntled and half the time I guess at what words mean so that I don't look stupid in a crowd of people. I act like I know what people are talking about but I just don't have a large vocabulary. 

I talk too fast occasionally and look like a boof trying to catch her mouth up with her brain but they won't connect so I end up slurring everything together into one jumbled mess of sentences that was supposed to be an eloquent story to sweep people off their feet. I kissed the Blarney stone for heaven sakes, where's my eloquence dang it?

Long story short, I want to write like I am. 

I want to be who I want to be.

I want to be who I need to be.  

Much like my friend Sarah wrote in her post, I need to be who I love to be, not what I'm expected to be. 

I need to do what makes "me" happy, not what makes the world happy. 

There are moments where we need to take a piece of time and use it strictly for ourselves. If we can't learn how to live with ourselves and accept our beauties and misgivings, how can we expect to do anything for the world? If we don't know ourselves, if we don't care about ourselves, then why should we give of our time to others when we have nothing to give them for we have not learned. 

This is a start of a new pattern of thoughts by Brianna, her mind is open to the thoughts racing and willing to say what they need to about anything that crosses her mind. 

It may not be eloquent, there may be run on sentences, incorrectly spelled words, and intense grammatical errors, but what is written here is sincere life, beauty within sadness, grief within joy. 

Life is to be lived, documented, enjoyed, and lived some more. 

I'm going to be doing more of that starting now. 

If you would like to read the blog post that started this new posting epiphany for me click here (she is an excellent writer, you should follow her)

Ultimatum Time

I'm not sure who even reads this blog anymore and if I should keep continuing to write about my life or just start a new "family" blog about the Call's, Matt and I. So if you could give your opinion on this matter in the comment section that would be great, plus it will give me an idea of who actually takes time to read this horribly, boring, so behind not up to date blog.

So are you for me continuing to write, getting back on the bandwagon (maybe directing a few friends my way), or starting a new family blog talking about the ins and outs of marriage and my life with the new hugs and new things going on in this new life that is mine and leave this single blog in the dust forever (love the run on sentence don't we?)

I won't be a offended either way, but if anyone reads this let me know.
It's one way or the other. This blog or the other.
The ultimatum is set.