Today's the day!!!

In less than 4 hours I will be married to Matthew Anson Call. I thought I would never get a chance with him when I met him and now look at what life has brought me. It has been generous and kind, aware of my needs, and his. We are perfect for each other, through I know we will continue to love each other and that love will only grow.

Boy oh Boy, I'm excited, anxious, scared, but calm. I had no idea so many emotions could fit in my small body.

The House of the Lord

Today I went through the temple to learn again things that have been taught to me since I was a child. The story of the creation and where all that we do in life fits into the eternal perspective, beyond what we do here on earth.

The experience was mind blowing, humbling, and incredibly spiritual. I have never felt so close to God in my life, that temple is his house; I am but a guest in that house and on this earth.

Matt and I after the Temple

Everyone is so sweet and there is a sense of camaraderie and a feeling of family in the temple. Because frankly that is what we are; all children of our Heavenly Father. We all were the same, there for the same reasons, wearing the same clothes, and not a single person there to judge but to help me and the others taking their endowments out for the first time.
The temple was amazing, and I cannot wait to go back.
I feel as though there is more to the world now, everything is connected to Christ, every detail has his fingerprint and every breath we take we owe to him. It is a sweet companionship to know that I can know go back regularly to perform ordinances, the covenants I made, for my brothers and sisters; children of God on the other side of the veil. To give them the chance to accept or reject the gospel.
The thing I love most about this gospel, this church is the freedom to choose, we are not forced, we choose to follow the counsel and the commandments of God. We know that if we do we can reach the greatest and highest degree of happiness temporally and spiritually in the presence of our Heavenly Father.
Church is true. 3 days. 

In Less Than a Week...

-I'll have been married for almost a full day
-I will be a wife, a spouse, more than fiancee'
-I will be able to say goodnight, instead of saying goodbye
-I will be saying "happy birthday" to my 50 yr old papa
-I will be married. for. eternity.
Matt's mission President and wife sent us a gratitude journal with stitching on the cover of the SLC temple. It is beautiful. I wrote in it last night. Matt and I had been discussing how we felt like we were apart of each other now, coming closer together, becoming as one. If it sounds silly, it's not. We felt it when we started dating, just a tad more relationship tie. Then when he proposed and I accepted the world tipped itself to the other side and if I thought I couldn't live without him before now I knew I would go into a spinning depression spiral if anything happened to him. The relationship grew. Now as we are approaching getting married, taking the largest step in a young, old, new, just had their first kiss life we feel that connection grow even more.

It is painful to say goodbye.

I can see now, why general authorities (LDS) talk about love growing over time, becoming more wonderful than the fleeting butterflies in the stomach, the unknown of the relationship. There is something wonderful in stability, in a complete assurance that someone will love you, for you, forever. I think God has a had a hand in all the relationships we encounter throughout our lives. Some people are for quick moments, to help us understand something or learn as we go and then exit as if they were never there. There are those that will stay connected to us forever by sheer will of want and need. Then there is the one that you would do anything for, such as; choose his favorite pizza over something new because you know that's what he wants, drive every Friday to sit and spend time with him at work just so you can be with him, go on all the scary rides just so he'll hold you and tell you that you're brave (foreshadow) and he does the same things for you. He calls you three times a day when you're on a road trip with your friends to tell you he misses you, hopes you're having fun and that you'll have sweet dreams. He will drive 2000 miles to Nauvoo, Illinois to visit you as young performing missionary (YPM) living off MRE's and sleeping in his car, he will tell you that he loves you and could never see himself with anyone else and will always love you no matter what.

That's what I'm marrying into. I thank God for him everyday, I feel as though sometimes I don't have to because God knows how lucky I am.

6 days and I'll be Brianna Jean Call. Doesn't have a bad ring to it :)

I never can come up with good titles

So, here I am sitting at the keys listening to the humdrum of the wind blowing in the through the tiny crack in my bedroom window. The suns rays dancing through the blinds sending parallel lines in promenade down the far wall. I feel my mind ticking away at all that needs to be accomplished, like a walking time bomb waiting for it's own crocodile in it's captain hook garb. Money has it's gun pointed towards my heart and my sanity, patronizingly playing a mocking game of Russian Roulette until my nerves are shot and my tears burst down my makeup stricken cheeks.

Marriage is supposed to be all butterflies and roses petals. At least that's what they tell you in story books. They get to the part where the prince and princess are to be wed...but do we see the preparation behind their "happily ever after"? No, but they got there and so will I.

Stress much?

So here is the one blog name that no one likes to read but frankly it's the one that needs to be written.

Whether you read or not it must be written or my brains will explode and nothing will be left except the chard pieces of my life because of the stress that is compiling over the hours and days.

I am getting married in 25 days. 24 days and 15 hours by blog standards. That is crazy.

I am happy. As I should be, but I'm also alot of other adjectives like:

Scared (the wedding night)

Excited (marrying Matt Call, having my own apartment)

Anxious (hoping everything will get taken care of and will go smoothly)

Stressed (Is it really all worth it, will I be able to breathe afterwards)

Concerned (the wedding night, and money)

• We have 25 days and I still haven't heard from my caterer about any invoice to know how much I am to pay.
• We haven't been able to reserve our honeymoon because we are both low on funds.
• My bank switched without telling me and now I have to go through this hefty long process to open my back account at this new place just to close it to open a new one at Matt's bank.
• We haven't bought our marriage license yet.
• I am almost dissatisfied with my dress because multiple people jokingly say that an ivory dress means that you are unclean...great, everyone is going to think that who is above 30.
• I just want it all to be over so I can crawl in my bed, sleep and just enjoy life.
• The elementary ed program is going to be hard...am I going to be a good teacher?
• Marriage still scares me. I'm scared i'm going to become a statistic, how do you do marriage right?
• I can't find a new home for my cat Mushu (more info)
• We haven't bought Matt's ring yet and he sees no value in getting one for him.
• I don't know whether to have matt in my bridals or not
• Money. Money. Money. I hate it.
• We can only move into our apartment two days before we get married
• We have to get a special mover for the piano Matt's parents are giving us (great) and it's over 200 hundred dollars...
• Non of my co workers will take my shifts so I can go on my honeymoon.
• I signed up for a stupid half marathon, and I feel like I won't be able to do it.
• What if i'm not a good wife.
• What if i'll never know really how to cook.
• I'm not who people think I am.
• I'm always tired. always.

There. My life is great right now. Just really really stress-fully overwhelming .