Friday, September 4, 2009

Is it ok...

Is it OK to feel sorry for myself?
Is it OK to mourn the loss of something great?
Is it OK to be hopeless and feel inadequate?
Is it OK to think you weren't supposed to do something but you did it anyway?
Is it OK to think you were doing the right things but it turns out it wasn't?
It is OK to keep going on about this and continuing to ask unanswered questions?

I feel like I have a gift...maybe it isn't what I thought.
Have I been using it the wrong way, because everything that try to use it in never comes out the way I was hoping.
I wonder if people lie to me...about my ability or lack there of. Do they just tell me what they think i want to hear...or do they actually believe what they are telling, but never give me a chance.

I feel
s
a
d
I feel embarrassed

I feel like it isn't worth
Trying anymore

...maybe i'm supposed to stay hidden...

Unnoticed
Unloved
Underestimated

Always to sit in sidelines and watch others do what I yearn and only dream to do. Is there ever a moment when my dreams will be able to become reality? Even for a moment, a second, a passing by thought... I would be OK with that.

I just want my shot
My Chance
My Opportunity

But I don't think i'm ever going to do be able to do that, because I can't embrace my fear and get over it.

And the only one who's fault that is,
Mine.

....and i can't change it.

2 comments:

Erin Day said...

Brianna. You have INCREDIBLE gifts that I envy. You have the voice of an angel. You are an incredibly kind person. You are absolutely hilarious. You are amazing.
I think you just need to practice performing. Then you can get over that fear that holds you back. If you ever need anything let me know. I am always willing to help you.

MedSchoolWife said...

Brianna, this was a great post. I think it speaks to a lot of people. I certainly feel the same way very frequently. And the only advice I can offer is to look upwards, and also to embrace who you are and make it your life mission to improve on that.

You're amazing.

Oh and PS it made my day to see that you also read the Happiness Project. I'm so addicted to that.