Sorry for the negative...

I have one day a month where all my emotions are askew and I would rather die than face the day ahead of me. Call it a moment of depression or anything in between. Regardless of what you end up calling it, it sucks, I hate this feeling. It hasn't happened for a few months and just yesterday it hit me like a ton of bricks...every time one of these emotionally draining train wrecks occurs I seem to spend the whole time loathing about everything wrong with me. I tend to looks to towards the bad and complete dismiss all good that is happening. Basically I feel as though I haven't tried hard enough.

I am not any farther in life than I was a good year ago. I feel like i'm losing time or wasting it like I waste my money. I'm impulsive, I don't think things through until I'm halfway in and I can't take what I said back or give it back or want to give it back. I'm in a continuous circle of regret. A circle for hurting people. A circle for not working hard enough. A circle for sorry's. A circle for loss of money. A circle for trying to help others but I really can never do anything for them. A circle for treating people ill when they deserve so much better. I hate feeling like this.

I feel down and out, I know the feeling will go away but boy does Satan take advantage of my weakened emotional state and take the opportunity two hand hold and pull to show me all my faults at once. It's overwhelming and not fair. But what about life is fair? Absolutely nothing. But that's what it's called life and in the long run it's going to be ok.