The fuse has been lit..

I walked into the room with an air about me of complete and utter confidence. I had never felt such enthusiasm for a moment in my life. I found a place to sit and watch the many women show how well they could pull off a tap routine. I needing to wait for the next group learning the regular or easier dance. I was fasinated by how their feet moved so quickly and so precise. I loved watch the movements, and facial expressions.
Soon the clock had reached mid day. Noon. It was time for me to learn what I had come to learn. It turns out the charleston is alot harder and more complicated then I remember. It look at least half of the time remembering where to put your feet and then all of sudden having to add the apendages that you seem to forget every time you start using the ones attached to the floor. As the minutes ticked by I slowly got into the rhythum of the one-two-three-four...
then it was my turn to show what I got..

I bombed.
I flaked.
I completely
and utterly
sucked...

Why the anxiousness..

Everytime I have an opportunity to get outside my comfort zone I seem to get more anxious than actual excitement. I suddenly doubt myself more then I have in the last few months. And completely throw everything out of the window that I have been working so hard to achieve. I am auditioning for a musical tonight, and I have NEVER been good at auditions. You usually walk into a white room with a piano to your left, a judging table (filled with people who never smile or frown, so you have no idea what they are thinking) and that horrible big RED X in the middle of the room, where you the most vunerable. At the time, I feel so vunerable that I botch my audition every single time, and I am sick of it. I have been practicing this song for the last month and I want to do good on it. I just can't seem to control my emotions when it comes to auditioning. I think it has to do with me worrying too much about what people think of me. I know that I have at least a decent voice. I just don't have that punch or pazzaz in the audition room. Put me on stage after the audition and I will soar through the roof with energy.
I guess I just need to gain more confidence and keep doing these things that take me completely out of the box until one day (or tonight) it works out in my favor and I can do what I love doing.
One of my friends who has recently gotten over this same problem I had told me that you have to put your trust in the Lord, and if this is what he wants for you, then he will make it happen. Strong words...I just need to heed them and apply them to my life, and this audition. *breathe in ....breathe out*
Wish me luck!

For the love of cookies

This little guy makes my world go round. Anytime that I go to the store I try and pick up some pre-made chocolate morsel goodness. Just for Me. I come home break off a couple pieces of the nicely cut pieces of cookie dough and slide them gently onto a baking sheet. I crank up the music, and the heat and wait patiently for my little piece of heaven to rise and sweeten.

As the minutes trickle by I get lost in the music, a piece by some musical sadly thrown to the side most of the time. As the songs end I realize "THE COOKIES!!!!" i run over to the oven, rip open the door and there they lay--perfectly cooked morsels. mmm. I lift them out of their hot, steamy cavern, setting them on top of the stove. I realize then, that I had left something in my car. I walk down, giving the cookies time to cool. When I come back a mere 3 or 4 minutes later ALL (but one) cookies are gone. The cookies I longed for and had been waiting for, for several minutes had been devoured in the same time it would take to pour a glass of milk. Ah, the sadness that is me, when it comes to living with 5 other girls, who loves chocolate, and cookie dough as much as me.... *sigh*