Our True Identity

Sometimes, Some days, and Some wheres I feel like the 'Ugly Duckling'.

Down and Out.

Irritated and hard on myself.

More often than not, feeling as though life would be easier for those around me, if I just let them alone.

Thank goodness for wonderful men such as President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, to lift my spirits and many others around the world.

"... recognize who you truly are, glorious sons and daughters of almighty God."

Letter from God

I received this is an email the other and thought it was really good.

Dear (insert your name),
As you got up this morning, I watched you, and hoped that you would talk to me, even if it were just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for something good that happened in your life yesterday. But I noticed you were too busy, trying to find the right outfit to wear. When you ran around the house getting ready, I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy. At one point you had to wait, fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me, but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossip instead. I watched patiently all day long. With all your activities I guess you were too busy to say anything to me. I noticed that before lunch you looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me that is why you didn't bow your head. You glanced three or four tables over and you noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn't. That's okay. There is still more time left, and I hope that you will talk to me yet. You went home and it seems as if you had lots to do. I don't know if you like TV or not. Just about anything goes there and you spend a lot of time each day in front of it, not thinking about anything, just enjoying the show. I waited patiently again, as you watched the TV and ate your meal, but again you didn't talk to me. Bedtime I guess you felt too tired. After you said goodnight to your family you plopped into your bed and fell asleep in no time. That's okay because you may not realize that I am always there for you. I've got patience, more than you will ever know. I even want to teach you how to be patient with others as well. I love you so much that I wait everyday for a nod, prayer, thought, or a thankful part of your heart. It's hard to have a one-sided conversation. Well, you are getting up once again, and once again I will wait with nothing but love for you. Hoping that today you will give me some time. Have a nice day.

Your friend ~ God

Life is all about being unsure

Over the past little while (when I say a little while, I mean a few years) I think that I haven't been who I am able to be. I have made decisions that have taken my life down different roads, that have given me experience and helped me grow. But also have slowed my progression. I have just begun to really see the person I could be. I have tried doing life by myself, and it hasn't worked. Nothing has worked. It seems to me that I am a hard-headed individual.
One that needed a knock in the head to really see what needed to be done.
I have always been on my own, I have had my parents and siblings, but I have always felt I could take care of myself. To figure out the situation on my own, and not need outside help. It turns out that everyone needs some outlet or they go crazy. They keep these emotions inside and they are then projected outward without the person knowing. I sometimes get into stupid emotional lows that seem to hit me when I'm trying to do my best. I get discouraged and down on myself and mentally abuse myself with words that, "I'll never be able to get through this"..."I'm stupid."..."I have never or never will be this or this"
But I have come to realize that I'm not any of those things. I am a daughter of my heavenly father, who loves me. Me. He loves me even after I have made mistakes, He loves me when I feel down and out, He loves me when I make good decisions. He loves me when I use my talents, He loves me in times of need. He loves me and understands the wants of my heart. And the list goes On and On.
I have realized that life isn't going about it alone. It is putting your faith and trust in the Lord and letting his hand guide you to the things that will make you happy and will prepare you for comings of the future.

Alma 38: 5 "...as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trails, and your troubles, and your afflictions."

Many A Mile

Today I was driving down towards Provo and ended up on University Avenue, which is hit or miss when it comes to traffic. Today was not the day to take University Ave. There hundreds of runners running down the street, policemen posted at every intersection and the road sized down to a single lane. At first I was a bit annoyed at people having the gall to run on "my road" on the road that I needed to drive on to get to my friends house. (Mind you it was pretty early in the morning, about 7 or 8 ish) So I was a little mean and then out of the corner of my eye I saw the sign telling me that it was the Utah Valley Marathon. And that these people were on mile 23 of 26. I don't know what happened in that split second, it may be my hormones from the visitor every girl receives every month, or that I have just been needed to cry for the last little while.

I cried.

I actually started crying, while driving in my car slowly past these people who had almost accomplished a huge task. Running 26 miles. I later found out they started in the canyon at 3:30 in the morning and had been running since. It was an inspirational moment for me. I was so proud of those people and wanted to be like them. Halfway down I saw a woman with a medal around her neck come running up to one of the still running runners and gave her a huge hug and they both continued on towards the finish line. It was a touching, "you had to be there" moment.

These people made my day, by doing something that I can't even fathom doing for a very long time. There were young and old. Large and small. Tall and short. All different kinds of people doing the exact same thing and showing the pureness of human endurance. I loved it and I got my cry. Happy tears though ( did ya read that erin and liesl...happy tears. Me crying happy tears...never thought I'd see that happen. )

Randomness is a past time I like to partake in

My mind is like Mystery Google.
If you have never used Mystery Google it is a thing to behold. You type something in and you the answer you get is the question that the person before you, somewhere in the world, typed before you. You never know the kind of things that will come up. Questions ranging from, "What if zombies ruled the world" to "How to zip your pants with your toes" (No joke, i got that one once) But that's beside the point. The point is that my mind sometimes comes up with these random out of the blue questions that surprise the people i'm talking with and on occasion surprise myself with them.
I guess that paragraph in itself was a "Mystery Google" type of tangent. That had no real significance to what i am actually wanting to write about.

I work out at Curves. Yes that place that you only see women above the age of 40 enter into. Yes, that is my gym. I worked there for about year and have been going ever since. But one day this week while I was working out (super hard ya, know) I looked around at the different ages of women who were in the room. The ranged from my age of 21 up to 84! And I realized that some days I don't think about how long these ladies had actually lived. I wasn't thinking about the things the had accomplished. In that moment, for whatever reason, I thought that everyone was in the same stage as me. That they didn't know what they were doing with their life, they may be dating or married but had some of the same doubts as me. They have lived much longer and I feel like sometimes people my age, including myself, sometimes forget about the people who are all around and the vast wisdom the possess. Because in reality, they are MUCH older, and I can't even fathom being that old in the near future. And I won't be. It takes a long time to get to that age. To get to a place where you are happy with yourself inside and out. Life is the longest thing we do. Besides marriage.
That's another thing. A lot of my friends have been getting engaged and been married or are getting married in the VERY near future. Some having had very long engagements/courting and others who met the person and were engaged 2 weeks later. I guess it just happens for some people. What if i am one of those people who wants to take as much as I can to get to know the person I could marry, see their imperfections, see the REAL them. Get past the infatuation phase so that I can see clearly and not have the rose colored glasses blaring in my eyes? Is that so wrong? Sometimes I get the feeling from people, that it is. And then there are others who say that waiting till your 30 to get married is the "way to go". What if i'm one of those people who wants to have a family by the time she is 3o. hmmm. Not sure that goes hand in hand waiting till 30. That was off the subject. But what I'm trying to get at, is that marriage is the 2nd to longest thing will ever do, next to life being the longest. That's a big, big, big deal! that's a huge decision. Maybe I have commitment issues.. does it sound like I do. No, it just sounds like some random rambling on my part that I decided to write while i was bored one day. But anyway, marriage is a big decision and i want to choose right. I have a hard time with just jumping in and seeing if something this big in my life would "possibly" work. My parents jumped into it fast and I have a few friends who jumped into it fast and they are no longer married. I think my perception of marriage is a bit muddled and scarred. But i'm trying to get over it.
I love going to weddings and receptions and seeing the light the couple has in their eyes while looking at each other. I think it is the sweetest thing ever. I hope to have that one day, someday, in the future. (Not the near future though) :)

So that's my little ramble, haha. Haven't done that for awhile. It was quite scatterbrained too. I apologize.

Candid Moment

Tonight I went to Color Me Mine with my mother, her friend Wendy and her daughter Keisha. We painted for 3 hours straight. My eyes are tired and during the time my pinkie was seizing up from being in the same position for more than an hour. (It wouldn't move for about 5 minutes after I removed it from the grip) After we paid for our pieces we headed to Macey's grocery store in Orem and along the way I decided to take a picture of Wendy's daughter Keisha...then I thought it would be a good idea to take a picture, from the passenger side of the car, of my mom and Wendy. The picture flashed and both ladies flipped out. They had no idea what it was. Wendy thought she had hit a police car and my literally jumped two feet off her seat and this picture was the candid picture that only a moment like this could luckily capture.

I couldn't stop laughing for at least 10 minutes and now my stomach feels like it did 100 crunches....it burns.