Reality Check

(If you're having a good day, don't read this: i'm just whining about things and would not want to bring you down in anyway)

Just as the title says I have had a few reality checks in the past few days. Plus tomorrow is my 21st birthday. The birthday "of all birthdays", besides 50 and 100. So it's kinda a momentous occasion.

I still feel little, yet my age says otherwise.

I have made one large decision (In my mind) for myself.

I am moving to Colorado, for the summer, to work and live with my dad.

I've always avoided going for my mother's sake and mine and my friends. And as i'm typing this I tend to be a little dramatic and start thinking how long summer actually is when you are away from people. And I realize how much certain people really mean to me, and how much friends and family members mean to me.

4 months, at most, 102 days.

It seems like a short amount of time until you put it into perspective around other things that happened 102 days ago. That is ages ago.

During those 4 months I can't call or text to say "let's do something" ...cause i'm 400 miles away.

Ugh.

So really this whole blog is about my whining about the decision I made, which I know isn't a bad one and will probably be good for me. There are things I want to write out and whine about...but I don't feel it appropriate or even necessary. People don't want to hear those things anyway.

Plus - it's just me being pitiful.

( there is a reason it's so small...and if you can read it congratulations you get to hear me whine more) I guess also somethings have been said by some people that have turned my whole world upside down and i'm trying to wrap the thought around my head...and it's taking awhile. Something that I thought or was brainwashed to think (it sounds like) is completely different now and i'm just trying to deal and whine along the way. Is it stupid or girlish or anything like that to say i'll miss someone more than I thought I ever would....(I should delete that...) Or be a little jealous with dates that will take place while i'm gone. But prophets have told us it right to date multiple people. ba ba ba. Meh. I'm being a selfish little girl. And details are unnecessary ...sometimes I just hope that things workout as you would hope, and sometimes those moments are worth waiting for but what if it never comes to be? You give your heart away, get attached and it either is given back or crushed to the ground. Left there for a lovely job of picking up the pieces and trying to stick them back together and then try again.

And sometimes I feel as if I say the stupidest things and then I regret saying them, because I get the feeling that I should have already known that. Like it was known knowledge to everyone BUT me. Sometimes I feel like my ACT score really shines out what my mentality is. Crappy. Not very bright. Horrible test taker. Introverted. Not hard working. Won't amount to much. Etc.
Is there a reset button on emotions and stupidity?
If so, where to press...and is there side effects?

I think that the "world" (orem/provo) is a dating mosh pit of doom. Why does life have to be such a waiting game in every aspect?

I'm not sure I'm terribly excited to turn a year older, this year.