A stride for the short one

So last friday I auditioned for "once upon a mattress" at the Scera theater in Orem. I was asked to come back to callbacks that same night and was called back for Winifred (if you don't know the show that would be the lead) ...crazy huh? So I sang in there and was asked to come back on Monday for dance auditions and readthroughs. Well Monday came, the dance rehearsals came and went and then they had us read through and sit down. All was well. The next day I checked my email 20 times at least in the 4 hours of school i have, maybe it was close to 40. Because that is how we were to find out if we made it in or not. The email came promptly (but not quick enough) around 2pm, while I was sitting in the library doing math homework and facebook. haha. It was a no. It was one of those letters where they try to make you feel good about getting called back but really they could have done with out you. (kinda like my rejection letter from BYU, yea...that one hurt) but even though I am not able to this show I passed over a huge mountain for myself, personally. The people around me may not have seen a change, but I could feel one. For the first time in an audition, i had fun. I didn't care about the outcome. I just went in the there did my best and maybe my best wasn't good enough to get into the show, but hey! I made a stride in my confidence that I haven't been able to break in a long time. And it feels good, and now I know what to expect in the future, and what I am capable of. It's a nice feeling.

One another note, do you ever have those days where you just look around. Maybe at school, or work, or while you are walking somewhere and think to yourself, "Why am I doing this?". "really". Life in general. i'm having one of those days where I feel like i'm in dream that seems to have no real purpose, but just to go through the motions of everyday life. Does that make sense? I feel almost at a loss for words...or people are moving on...and i'm stuck standing in the same place i've been in for what seems like a lifetime. I guess i'm just scared to take a step forward into the unknown. I don't even know what that unknown is. I'm just lost and don't see the reasons for the things we do in life...right now. It seems so monotonous. Just doing the same things over and over. I don't feel like i'm progessing as a person. hmm.
I sometimes feel like I have lost tract or contact with friends, we get so caught in our lives and the silly things that we forget about the ones we really cared about. Sometimes I miss high school for one reason. I got to see my friends everyday. I took advantage of that big time. And now I yearn for it. I miss having a car, a job, and extracurricular activities. I guess i'm bored. There is no variation to my life right now. When is it going to change? When is the sun going to burst through this gloom and down-ness and pick me up and bring that Brianna I used to know out? I'm so unmotivated too, i need to get back on track with school work and just life. I'm not sure how to, Or where to begin. Maybe i'm just being an overreactive 20 year old girl.