WORD VOMIT
Interestingly so I have never had the opportunities that I would have liked myself to have, because frankly I have kept myself so inside myself that I haven' ventured out and tried new things for awhile. But for the past little while I have actually tried to try new things. Things that I normally wouldn't do in my daily life or any life that wasn't planned out by the most of the time boring person hermit that I am. In the last couple weeks I have gone to a club all the way up in Ogden with a dear friend and it turned out the place had a once in a life time high school night...and we ended up coming there on the interestingly so night..oh goodness and we ended up locking our private room and dancing around like maniacs. But no one could see and even if they could we would still have the time and fun that we had that night with each other. I entered this contest on myspace, a karaoke contest. Did you know that karaoke in japanese actually means "tone deaf" and now that you think about it, it actually makes sense, ya know? Weird how correlations like that occur. I am waiting to see if my entry led to anything but who knows...it will take awhile for them to decide. Oh and I have a crush and i can't seem to find the words to tell him how I feel and I don't know if I should tell him how I feel because we are such good friends and I don't want to go risking the friendship and the fun times that we have shared just so i could see if he likes me back...i don't know if it is worth it?!?! Shoot this dating game and trying to guess what the other person is saying when in reality, I tend to looking too deeply into what someone says or maybe i'm not looking deep enough and don't realize what they said or didn't catch on and then I lose a chance. shoot ---i'm horrible at reading people. Always have been and always will be. I got home today from a thanksgiving break vacation visiting my brother and my father, it was super fun but went by waywaywayway too fast. (the first time that I wrote fast it came out fat. ha ha) and I forgot to get caught up on my math homework so now I am scrambling around in my brain to try and figure out the nonsense that is stuck in between the real and the not real. Last night I had a horrible nightmare, and i don't like nightmares and it made me feel uncomfortable, but i guess i had been a little stressed out about what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life for the last couple days. So that probably contributed to the whole "let's give Brianna a nightmare so she can think straight again" mind trick that minds do to people. So subconscious brain (thank you for making my life that much more able to live) And such i believe that math was made from the devil and I think that not doing a math for a week definitively stifles the smart gene you once thought you had. I have also been starting to write a song, the very first song where its actually forming into something but I have found out that I, myself, brianna, am a horrible lyricist. So I may just find a poem to stick in for the lyrics and call it good but that would be plagiarism..gosh darnit my morals.jk but I have been getting quite good on the guitar..well at least its good when no one else is listening so I just maybe having a not so much fair looking at it..or something like that. ---anyway--- Do you ever have those days where you're just disgusted at yourself, but for no apparent reason? Maybe you said something you didn't mean to someone. Or wrote a message that you wish you could take back because it may seem like you're being desperate (and that's the last thing that you wanna come across as?) Have you ever had a time where you wish you weren't so shy and wish you had some quirky comment to contribute to the conversation? Where you wish you did this instead of that and wonder how the day would have turned out differently if you had done it the other way? What if you had eaten the orange instead of the apple? Does that have a real big affect on how your life turns? If waking up 2 minutes late for work made your day go a little off then how would of 2 minutes early have changed things? What if you took that random chance, instead of standing back in the bleachers and watching someone else do it? Is it ok to be jealous of others and what they have or the chances that they are willing to take? Jealous of the conversations that people can have? Jealous of the how to do's and how to don'ts people have such a hold onFor the most part i'm happy with my life at the moment but am having a hard time even concentrating on the blasted blog..so I am going to bid thee farewell into the dead of night where hopefully I am not confronted with a nightmare again..*shudders*
2 comments:
It's interesting to see what you puked out onto your blog. I do have to wonder, though, why do you say you are horrible at reading people and say you always will? Skills take time, darling.
...And there's my potentially worthless comment, but whatever.
aaaaahhh, word vomit. So therapeutic. You have inspired me.
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