Have you ever stared at a choice you were about to make and trying to figure out the outcome of your actions?
Does it really make a large difference to what happens in life on whether you choose an apple or banana that morning for breakfast, or just skip out on breakfast all together?
Once you make those decisions are they set in stone, never to be revisited? Do you just have to be happy or content with where you small and seemingly unimportant choices have led you?
That sounds like leaving life up to chance.
I thought that's not what you're supposed to do
But how do you grab hold of the rules of the game when you didn't even know they were there to change things around? Are we all just having to wait and make rash and quick decisions about the most important gift given to us. I hope not, but sometimes it feels that way.
Sometimes
there isn't enough time to think it through
think of about the positives
Negatives
and
possibilities
Sometimes life feels like a maze and I think mine is at a dead end at the moment and i'm not sure whether I should jump the wall or turn back around and find another route. But i don't know how to do that .
I don't know how to be impulsive and alone
I feed on human companionship. Whoa, that just sounds wierd. I thrive (that's a better word) on friends, boyfriends, not sure what friends, acquaintances, and just a nice person who smiles down the street. They make me happy, and strong and leave me with a sense of meaning and worth in this world.
But people get busy, or I just get paranoid and feel like if i haven't seen a certain person in a day or two then i'll go crazy but they are busy and have a life other than me in it. Bleh. They have friends and school and sports and just more of a life than me, at least now. And sometimes I feel that I drive them away...because they never want me around, am i that annoying? Shoot...maybe I am.
Anyway, some of these instances wanting to go back in time and start over. Not sending that stupid text or not saying that stupid thing or just being plain stupid or overbearing. Happen to me often including right now and this past week in general.
I need something to do in my life. I need ambition again and the drive to do something extrodinary. At least to me. So if anyone has any ideas for my brighter than now life, they would be greatly appreciated.
1 comment:
Live creatively. I'm still working on that, because I'm really, really ridiculously (good looking) lazy. but I was inspired to live creatively when I met a man and woman who had used to date but remained friends. They rehashed all of their dating adventure stories to me; one involved the girl being stranded in a forest in Wyoming with a bunch of hippies looking for shrooms because his motorcycle tire was blown out, another involved pirate treasure and canoes, and all included adventure, rescues, and some form of happily ever after...at least, for that moment.
Obviously, I'm not saying you need to go get lost in the woods with extremely high hippies, because this girl also happened to be capable of defending herself and a volunteer sheriff at the time. But after hearing about what these people enjoy doing and how they do it, I've been trying to find ways to live more creatively. Being one who wants to get into animation, one of the things required by BYU is that the students aspiring for animation have an expansive and creative view of things, whether it's for stories, characters, or anything else. I'm trying all sorts of mediums, and I do exercises to improve my writing. I also have gone on bike rides because it's the only exercise I currently enjoy. That, and pilates.
But in any case, I highly recommend this site: http://www.marcandangel.com/ and search for the article titled: "That Advice Saved My Life." It's very well written, and definitely something that's motivated me a little better.
I love you, Brianna. Good luck. It's okay if you don't take this advice, but at least look at the site.
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