Life is good

Classes are great
I know my major
I have a love who is weird like me
I am in an awesome choir
My mom loves me
I have an awesome dad
I have wonderful friends
I know who I am
I know where I am going
Time is consistently moving at a rate I can deal with
The sun keeps shining
It warms up in the afternoon
Halloween starts holiday grandeur
I'm singing everyday
I have my scriptures
I've read 7 books in less than a month
My cat has let me snuggle with him for the past week
I have wonderful memories of Nauvoo
Did I say my friends are fantastic?
Love is great
I love seeing people get engaged and you can see they love each other (thank you facebook pics)
The leaves are still changing
I have a blanket at night
I'm caught up on all my homework
I may get above a 3.2 this semester which is awesome!
I'm going to be a teacher of little kids for my career, how cool is that?
I know what I want to do in my life!!
Money is an issue, but it has seemed to work out so far
The Lord hears my prayers
The gospel is true
and
life is wonderful
and
I'm going to be super optimistic about it,
and
I'm going to like it

Nauvoo

Did I really do that?

Can I please go back?

Sigh...

I miss it so much :(

Dear...( )

I liked you better when you were overweight, you weren't lying to yourself then
I liked you better when you would tell me about your life and not leave me left out because you thought I was naive.
I liked you better when you had a testimony
I liked you better when we were friends and not just acquaintances
I liked you better when you cared about my life as much as I care about yours
I liked you better when we had things in common
I liked you better when you treated yourself with respect
I liked you better when you weren't lying to me point blank
I liked you better when we were friends
I liked you better when you were comfortable in your own skin and didn't have to be someone else
I liked you better before...now I don't know who you are and it makes me sad that you may be one of the people that was only supposed to be in my life for a long period of time and then disappear.

I hope life works, I hope you are happy, I hope you are making the right decisions (even though I know you're not) I hope you live up to who you can be one day, you are amazing right now but I know there is more to you than you want to put energy into.

The easy way was never eternal happiness only temporal. I'll be here when you want to come back, like I always have been.

A Savior

My spirit is on a low

I feel sickness in my bones
Ones from regret and unanswerable pride
Something to match the tears that shed when the eyes fall down
Nothing to find that conquers the self made decision
to fall
To fall by oneself and no other is a deceit against the soul
To have no other means of reciprocation but soulful terror and loss
Nothing is worth fighting for
Nothing is worth living for if you haven't a Savior
Nothing is worth accomplishing if you only use the time after to delve deeper into despair
This time was different, it was more regretful than any I have encounter since then
It was damning, it was all me
Satan didn't need to prod or pick at my thoughts
all he did was sit back and watch
He is a cunning one, slowly delving into the hearts of man
bringing out the wroth in them
Watch your every step for you will see him waiting behind every corner
Every tree, Every living thing that is good he has a second thought that can deceive
Watch your step especially the footprints
Help meld them into one by clinging to Christ and begging him
to carry you
Only then will you find true happiness and be torn and saved from the grips of hell
Only then will you find peace and joy for the son of perdition will be gone
"Leave him behind and do not look back, fear not little flock
for I will be on your right hand and on your left to lift you up
when you have been knocked down
whether it be of your own accord or the tempting of Satan,"
there is always room for a Savior, all you have to do is let me in
Let him in is as simple as taking a breath, you must take the breath to take the next step
with Him.

When life seems to hard to handle...

Take after this little one

I've hit it...hard

I've finally hit the "transition" period from off the mission
Where you finally "convert" from missionary to normal human being
It hurts...a lot
I was trying to hold on to Nauvoo as tight as I could, I subconsciously thought:
"If I just wear what I wore there, ate what I ate there, said what I said there...It will come back"
Have you ever heard the thought, "On a mission is the time where God has the most opportunity to get to know you." ?
That mission was amazing.
I am a released but slightly returned missionary
I have fallen back into various (grrr) practices that I wanted to be rid of
I have changed in someways but I am still...
Just Plain Brianna
and it seems that I will always be.
Real life is just hard, ya know?
and transitions rock your world upside down and backwards
....thank goodness for LDC retreat ALL DAY TODAY!